First of all let me say thanks to all of those that have helped me out this past week, the dark clouds are moving out, I am feeling much better and happier about life! I can see sunshine again and my heart is not as sad. Thanks for your patience and love!! I participated in this blog hop last year and really wanted to do it again! my original post last year is here .http://brigetterushworth.blogspot.com/2011/06/right-where-i-am-project-2-years-8.html. Here is the link to the blog where you can read many other stories as well.
So here I am, I am 3 years, 7 months, 15 days away from losing our sweet angel Kael. Looking back at my post from last year I think I have even made more progress. The only little set back I had was my miscarriage a few weeks back.. it threw me for a loop I hadn't felt for a long time. It left me wondering what I had done wrong and resurfaced alot of emotions. So I spent a few days... ok more like weeks in a spin tail but I am recovering now. I look at Kaels pictures and I think about how lucky we are to have had him here with us. The amazing things he taught us, the love that he gives and continues to give. I love when I can feel him near. I go much father now in between total melt downs and I can see the good things along with the not so fun things. I love seeing little reminders of him and how he blessed our sweet family. I still think of him every single day and miss him like crazy but I don't just feel sad things when I think of him. I love going through his picture book with the kids and talking about the sweet memories we have. I love teaching Landon our rainbow baby about his sweet older brother and I love that people still mention his name. I can never get tired of hearing his sweet name! I want to do better, be better and live a legacy in his name! I am so lucky to be his mommy and am proud to call him my own!! The pain is still there, the missing is still there but the gut wrenching, heart stabbing feelings are much father in between. Its nice to see more sunny days and not so many rainy ones! I am so grateful for kael and the example he set for us. He taught us to be braver, fight harder and to never give up!! Ill never forget these lessons! I love you Kael to the moon and back! We will never forget the fight you fought, the love you gave and the lessons you have taught us and continue to teach us!
Love always mommy!