Never taking one single breath for granted.... enjoying the journey one day at a time!

Saturday, February 26, 2011


I cant say thank you enough to 2 lovely ladies who made this possible! I won a giveaway on the lovely Tiffany's blog for a free blog makeover you can check her out at www.holybfpbatman.blogspot.com she lost an amazing little boy and gives back by providing monthly giveaways and writes beautifully. The sweet Francesca re-did my blog you can check out her work at www.smallbirdstudio.blogspot.com she does AMAZING work and I will be sure to use her again in the future. She also lost a lovely baby girl and does amazing giveaway's and amazing work. Please check out both these lovely ladies blogs!! Thanks a million to you both!! You have made my blog an beautiful place to write and reflect!!

Monday, February 21, 2011

Memorial Tattoos.

When Kael passed away Layne's brother took him to get a memorial tattoo, Layne decided to get Kaels foot prints and his name and birth/death dates in his honor. When he got home that night I was in love!! I decided that I wanted to do the same with all my boys excluding the birth/death dates. A few months after Layne got his I got Caxton's, Stefon's and Kael's. When Landon came along we decided we needed to finish them off!! It took a few months but we've finally did it. Layne also has his zodiac signs and all the kids on his one arm and on the other arm he has all the boys names and their birthdays so on Saturday we went and got them all finished up!! I decided I wanted one where I could always see it in remembrance of Kael so on my wrist I got his initials plus a blue star on each side as he is my shining star in heaven and blue reminds me of him. These tattoos mean a lot to us and are a reminder to not just us but to the world we have 4 boys not just the 3 on earth here with us. I love each of my boys with my whole heart and now I have a little piece of each of them always with me. The artist is so amazing he took their feet right off of their birth certificate and turned them into tattoos for us! I am so grateful to him!! I love you boys each and everyone of you to the stars the moon and back!! Love always mommy!!

Our special weekend.

YAY!!!! I made it through the 4 weeks it wasn't easy and I'm so glad Layne's back. I have the up most respect for single moms now that its not even funny!! I knew they were amazing people but now I'm even more sure!! So Layne came back on Friday night. The kids were so excited to see him. He brought them all prizes and then reached in his pocket to give me mine... he had gotten me this beautiful diamond ring that had 5 diamonds in it. It was so beautiful and something I wasn't expecting at all!! We had Chinese food that night and my friend came over to dye my hair and style it a little. It was long over due!! She and her friends stayed for some drinks then they headed off to their dance party and Layne and I spent the remainder of the evening together alas!! Saturday brought on a fun filled day!! We took the kids out to lunch, went and looked at a house, and then dropped them off for a sleep over at grandmas. Layne and I were celebrating our Valentines day this weekend. We went and got our tattoo's thats a post of its own..., then we headed down to the gateway for shopping and the happy sumo the yummiest sushi ever!! It was so amazing we stuffed our faces full!! Afterwards we talked about going to a romantic hotel but seeing that Layne spent the last 4 weeks in a hotel we decided to have a nice quiet romantic evening at home and do the hotel in April for our anniversary. So we came home and spent the evening here. Sunday was another day full!! We woke up and went shopping, we shopped till we dropped and headed to pick the kids up from grandmas house and head home for the Daytona nascar race party! My brother in law is huge into Nascar so its like the super bowl to him. We had tons of yummy food and a great time. When that was over we headed shopping again and while we were out picked up the Michael Jackson's dance party for the WII. The kids and even us adults had a great time playing it!! We had a fantastic fun filled weekend it was so nice it being all of us together again!! Oh how I love my sweet amazing family!! Hope your weekend was fantastic as well!!

Monday, February 14, 2011

LOVE........ My jumbled view on love

So lots of posts this past week on what love really means... Love is simply an amazing thing. Where would we all be without love? I love so many people and have so much love in return. I love my hubby, my kids, my BLM's who have helped me learn so much, I love many friends, parents, siblings, extended family I am truly blessed. They say you don't know what true love is until it is lost...I so believe that. When Kael passed away my heart was shattered into a million pieces, I couldn't think, breath, move I was crushed. I found out who my true friends were and who would stick by me through the end. Loosing him I found out what true unconditional love is. I think I slowly started learning it as he was in the hospital fighting for his life, we never knew from 1 minute to the next what our lives would hold and where we would be in the end. Every time we visited and held him, my heart grew bigger and my love grew stronger, he was such a fighter I held on to everything he taught me and have tried to portray these things in the way I live my life every day. I try not to take anything for granted I'm thankful for every day I have and all the blessings I have been given. My heart is still broken it slowly heals each day but will never be whole again. I do my best every day to exemplify what love truly is. I'm thankful to each of you who have stuck with me through it all, I know I'm not always all put together but I do my best and try hard each day. Today was Valentines Day with Layne being gone till Friday we are going to celebrate this weekend. So I woke up this morning, gave the kids their presents took them to school and headed to the cemetery. When Layne left after last weekend I slipped a little sup rise bag in his suitcase for today's special occasion. When I got to the cemetery it was a little windy but sunny and beautiful. I got all the things out I had brought for Kael and got his stone all decorated and then sat and talked to him for a while. These last few days I have felt him near and I just wanted to spill my guts. It was a nice break to be able to sit and chat and share in the holiday spirit with him. I sent him some balloons blew a kiss to heaven and continued on with my day. What I wouldn't give to hold him a little longer, but since I cant ill do what I can to make this world a little bit better place. I hope you all had a good day, I hope it was gentle on you and that you felt love from someone else today!! Happy Valentines Day!!

Daxs Valentine Party

On Friday I got to help at Daxtons Valentine Party. Its always fun to be able to volunteer. I love being able to help and participate in my kids education. The kids all passed out valentines and had drinks. It also happened to be the 100th day of school so they had a big celebration and did lots of fun activities. Ms. Haslam the teacher is so cute and fun with the kids. Daxton always gets excited for me to help and likes to show me what hes been working on and doing in class. I love being able to be involved and he loves it to. Enjoy the pics from our fun!!

Thursday, February 10, 2011


So as most of you know by now we are big... well rather lets say HUGE....football fans! This being said we love to watch the Superbowl!! Normally Layne makes yummy food and we have all kinds of people over.. well this year since he had to go back to Cali early in the day they boys and I went to a friends house for Superbowl Sunday!! We still had lots of yummy food and lots of fun and best of all the team we were rooting for won!!!!! YIPEE gooooooooo PACKERS!! It really pays off to have good friends to hang out with when the one you love the most has to be gone. Here are a few pictures from our Superbowl fun!!!!!!!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Half way through!!!!!!

So we made it to the half way mark of Layne's long training. Its been hard but we've been keeping busy to keep us all side tracked!! His company surprised us and flew him home over the weekend it was so nice to see him and for us to be with him! We took full advantage and did lots of fun things! We went out to eat a few times, took the kids to Hollywood connections for mini golf and rides! Went to my brothers wedding, had friends over for games and drinks and took it easy on Sunday sleeping in a bit and just being together before he flew back. So now hes gone again for 2 more weeks... I'm sure we will make it I just hope it flys by fast!!!! The kids sure missed him alot and got sad when it was time for him to leave again... they told him he couldn't go because it took to long for him to come back... they are so sweet and they just adore their daddy!! So wish us luck 2 more weeks to go....... Ill keep ya updated as to how its going :) Here's a few pics from our fun weekend!!

Friday, February 4, 2011


So as I wrote about a month ago I'm doing a blanket drive for Primary Children's Hospital. A place that I totally have a love really they are AMAZING!! I owe so much to them.. they gave us a lot longer to be with out previous Kael than we would have ever had any other way.... I do love them alot... I just get sad sometimes to think about how much pain and suffering goes on in that place as well.... Anyways so I wanted to give an update on our blanket drive... So far we have....................................

72!! That's right 72 blankets to donate... This is huge I didn't even think id get 50 and were only a month in... I know a bunch of people still have blankets to get to me. I'm so beyond excited right now I cant even explain it!! So I want to set another goal Id love to double it and be able to donate at least 150 blankets. This place is huge and so many kids go through there so even though 72 is ALOT!! I want to do way more!! Please keep donating they will take whatever we can get them!! Thanks to all of those that have donated and will continue to donate! It means so much to be able to do this in Kaels honor for his birthday!! I cant wait to update again in a few weeks to see how many more I get!! Thank you, thank you thank you!!! Here are a few blankets I have received so far!!

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