Never taking one single breath for granted.... enjoying the journey one day at a time!

Monday, September 26, 2011


Down.. this describes me for the past few days. Ive really been struggling. I try hard to keep my head above water and see all the good but sometimes my brain just needs a break and I crumble!! I think that when Kael passed away I worked so hard to make sure my kids didnt suffer more than they needed to that I didnt fully take care of me and now even though its almost been 3 years somedays I just need that... to cry, breakdown and weep like a little kid again. This past week has been hard on the kids to they will cry when I leave to go somewhere, their talking about Kael, asking lots of questions, hard ones that I do my best to anwser with out falling apart. They talk about the fun things we did with him and how much they miss him. I love that they arent scared to say his name and that they still remember their brother. In effort to give them some extra TLC which they needed and so did I, I took Thursday off work and had a mommy day. When Kael was sick we would go to the zoo with they boys and then head over to the hospital so they could visit their brother so thats what I decided to do with them. We headed up to the zoo about 10:30 and didnt head home until around 3:30. It was such a nice day and the zoo was not busy at all. It was so much fun we took as much time as we wanted at each exhibit. We rode the carousel which is always a hit and then rode the train 2 times :). We had lunch up there and then the boys played on the park for almost an hour. It was so fun to just be able to chat, talk about things they are learning and doing, how they are feeling and just be us. It was good for me to helped me clear my head, see how far these kids have come and to know that they still know HAPPY. I need to be more relentless like the kids dont let small things bother me and bring me down. Im working on that trying my best to be the best every single day!! Im trying hard and ill keep trying but the past few days have been hard. I reached out to a mommy that also lost a baby and she told me that 3 years is so small in the grief process, that it takes time and to give myself a break. It helped alot to hear these words I hope shes right. I will keep telling myself to just keep swimming, swimming, swimming and know that these hard days will lessen again and to not get down when I do have the hard days. Sorry this is just one jumbled mess but it helps to write it out sometimes. So in the end yes there are hard days, yes its ok and I will keep working through them. With out further ado a few pics from our zoo trip.

Busy, Busy!!

This past weekend was super busy!!! Friday night we had the BYU game. My Brother Zack and his son Kaden came with the boys and I. It was a blast BYU played much better and won!! At half time we went down to where the players run out because the boys like to give them  high 5's coach Reynolds gave the boys 5's turned to walk into the locker room but for some reason turned back around and gave Stefon his BYU hat gave him a hug and then walked away. Stefon thought it was so cool!! Sat brought on soccer games, a carnival and the circus. The boys won their soccer game they are 3 for 4 and doing great!! The carnival was a church fundraiser and the kids had a blast cotton candy, popcorn, bouncy house, fishing, slides, hot dogs, face painting the works! It was lots of fun. Sat night we went out to dinner and the circus. It was such a fun night! The kids loved every second of the circus and were glued for the whole 2 hours. Tons of fun things to see and do. Along with it came more junk (milk duds, popcorn, Swedish fish and licorice and way to much soda.). It was a very fun weekend full of fun memories to build!!!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

BYU Football

Well football season has started and most of you know we are HUGE cougar fans!! We have season tickets and go to all the home games. The first home game was this last Saturday. We played our rivals the Utah Utes. The game was poorly played by BYU the lost by a landslide but deserved to do so!! It was crazy. Hopefully they will get their heads in the game and recover for the rest of the season. We still had a blast and made memories we wont forget. We headed down early and ate at Olive Garden. We brought our friends Ryan and Kendra with us which was lots of fun!! They were fun to have around and hang out with! Even though the cougars lost the boys were cheering for them through the end. Its so cute that they clap, and cheer and chant and sing the cougar song. I love going down and having a fun night. Here's to many more games (hopefully much better played ones :)

Friday, September 16, 2011

Soccer Time!

Well its that time again.. fall soccer!! The boys were so excited to start!! When I signed them up the rec center said there wasn't a coach for their team and asked if I would do it so this time around I get to coach them which I am actually really loving!! Sat was our organization day I met the team and got them their uniforms, schedules and treat sign ups we have 8 of the cutest kids around!! Stefon and Daxton picked the jersey numbers 7 and 11 so they could be like the gas station that has slurpees ;). Last night was their first game and we knocked them out of the park!! The green frogs (no I didn't pick the name the team did) won 7-0!! Dax got a goal and Stefon got an assist and they both played defense like CRAZY!! The team played well together and listened to what I was trying to teach them. Layne helped me warm them up then took care of Landon during the game. All in all the first game was a success! Cant wait until Saturday for game 2!! Way to go Green Frogs!!

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Bad luck......

The last week and a half Daxton has had some major bad luck.. poor kid. Last Tuesday his cousin slammed his finger in the door which resulted in a trip to the ER, X-Rays and a splint for what we thought would be 8 days.. .we went back to the doctor yesterday its still broken so the lucky guy gets to wear it for 2 more weeks and 3 weeks for days that he has soccer. Sunday night Daxton told me he wasn't feeling well... I put him to bed telling him to get me if he needed me the next morning about 8 am he was so sick, he couldn't keep anything down we tried everything, water, Gatorade, otter pops, apple juice.. everything that went in came right back up. At 3 I decided to call the pediatrician.. his lips were starting to dry out and he was just laying around not his typical self. They right away sent us to Primary Children's we got there about 4 and didn't leave until 11:30 almost midnight. He had gotten an infection and due to not being able to keep anything down he was very dehydrated and his blood sugar was very low to where his body was in shock. So they pumped him full of 3 bags of iv fluid, zofran, and sugars to get him back where he needed to be. Took a x-ray of his belly to make sure nothing else was wrong then allowed us to go home once he was able to keep some fluids down. This boy is so brave, never cried, fussed, complained just held my hand and did as they asked him to do. I am so proud of him and love him to pieces. I promised him prizes and a date of his choice (Chuckie Cheese) for being so brave. Hes such a sweetie. He had me lay in his hospital bed with him and cuddle him tight. He never cuddles now that hes a "big boy" so that part was nice but it was horrible to see him in such agony. Praying that he gets a break for a long while now!!! I sure love my Daxton!

Thursday, September 8, 2011


Fall is quickly approaching us... This means lots of things, football, holidays, leaves changing, Add Imageweather getting cooler, lots of fun times but also lots of hard times... Oct 4th is coming soon the day that changed our lives FOREVER!! The worst day of our lives a day no parent should ever have to experience. It turns my stomach in knots, I get that lump in the back of my throat, its hard, very, very hard. Oct 8th, the very last day I got to see my son, the day we buried him, the funeral the plans the things you never think will ever happen in your lifetime... I know lots of people are probably saying its been 3 years why aren't you over it yet... well news flash its not something you just get over... yes it gets easier I don't cry my eyes out all day every day but the stinging, sadness, pain never fully go away its just not that easy. I want to do something special for the day but I don't know what. I hate feeling liking I'm putting a burden on others to participate, maybe well just do something with the boys, I really don't know what to do. I need to get planning though... I hate not knowing what well do. So that's my goal in the next week to get something planned and get it going. Any suggestion? I could use any help I can get.... Thank you to those that listen and don't judge, thank you to those who understand and don't try to cover it up and pretend it didn't happen I appreciate all of your love and support!! It means alot to me to have your love.

Labor Day Fun!!

Labor day weekend was full of fun and go, go, go!! Saturday Layne and I headed up to Oktoberfest it was beautiful weather up the canyon and there was lots of fun things to see. We ate tons of yummy food and heard lots of good music, enjoyed some drinks and a fun atmosphere. After a few hours of fun we headed home for the first BYU game. They aren't at home yet but we still watch on TV. It was a mighty close game, lots of tension, cheering, clapping screaming and in the end the Y pulled it out!! Yay go cougars. Saturday night Layne and I did a bunch more Christmas shopping.. yes I know its early but it pays off to beat the crazy crowds. We are almost done already YIPEE!! Sunday Layne took the older two boys with a few friends to the dessert to go shooting. This left Landon and I lots of us time!! We went for a walk in the wagon, played trains for hours, had a picnic lunch and had a ball just us two. Monday we got together with friends we played games, BBQ'd and did the slip in slide.. yes even us crazy adults got on the slip-n-slide it was a hoot!!! We had a great weekend full of fun, family and friends. I love extended weekends with lots of family time their is nothing better than family!

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