So I haven't posted about this here before but with tomorrow being his angel day I feel strongly about writing. I will be very busy tomorrow with kids, getting a biopsy done, going to the cemetery with my mom and work that I figured I would post tonight. 28 years ago tomorrow my mom lost her son. His name is Jeremy Chad Bott and he was a year and a half when he passed away. My mom was pregnant with me when he passed so we never met on earth... Oh how I look forward to meeting this sweet boy! I remember growing up how my mom would teach me about him, take us to his grave, talk about how sweet he was. I remember watching her be so sad some days and wondering why after so many years she still felt so much pain... how stupid and venerable I was then. I couldn't figure out why she still cried over him, missed him so much and how strong she really was. Now I know.. I feel terrible that I ever judged her for missing him for the pain she went through and still goes through every day. When Kael passed away it sent my mom into a deep pain like she was loosing her son all over again. Now I know its because all though its been a very, very long time the pain is still there, she is able to bear it better and not be so sad all the time but she misses him and she always will. I feel so bad knowing how bad tomorrow is going to hurt for her, I wish I could spare her of the pain, but I know that I cant and all that I can do is be there for her and love her and understand her and not judge. I look up to my mom more now. Seeing how strong she was for us other kids and how she never let her burden carry over to us kids. I only hope to be half the mom that she has been to me to my own kids. I hope one day that I will get to meet Jeremy I picture him in heaven helping Kael, showing him the ropes and hugging him and kissing him for me. I hope their best friends and that they shine down and smile upon us every day. That they run and fly free together and that they know no pain. So tomorrow I will go with my mom and be her rock, let her lean on me and visit my brother that I know so much of but haven't met yet. Jeremy and Kael are buried next to each other so I will get to stop by and say hi to him as well. Give each other big hugs from your mommies, sisters, brothers, grandmas, aunts, uncles etc. I cant wait for the day we all get to meet.
4 comments:
It's hard to understand the enormity of life and death or the love a mother has for a child when you're a kid. I hate that the pain of losing a child is something that both you and your mom carry everyday...
Always sending you love and ((hugs))
Wow this post was really emotional for me. Seeing how you react towards meeting your brother is truly touching, I hope that someday my youngest has the same feelings as you do towards the brother you never met. Interesting how you have dealt with being a child to know being a mother of a precious baby that left too early. Thinking of you as the next few days pass.
Thank you for you comment on my blog! This post was a heart wrencher for me. How sad for you both to have that experience but nice to have someone who knows how the other feels. It is the worst thing yet I have had to go through. So not fun.
Many hugs to your mom and to you!!!
Post a Comment