MRW Live, Laugh Breath Event

On Saturday I was able to meet an amazing woman and attend an amazing event. Kendra lost a beautiful little girl just shy of 5 months old to SMARD a condition very similar to Kaels. Kaels they never were able to give a name to but it was similar in the respiratory aspect as well as not being able to swallow or breath on their own. Her and her husband too went through a roller coaster like we did trying to figure it out. Kenzies first birthday would have been Sunday so her mom put togteher this amazing event to raise money for the Gwendolyn Strong Foundation where they do research so they can try and find a cure so no one else has to go through this nightmare of loosing a child so early on to this evil disease. These kids were so brave and Strong and put up such a fight. I was able to volunteer for an hour and a half at the tattoo booth then I got to play with my hubby and kids, my mom, my brothers 3 kids and my sisters 2 kids and my brother and sister in law. There was so much to do tattoos, face painting, ball toss, bouncy houses, cotton candy, snow cones, hot dogs, chips, drinks, a silent auction, raffle and a kenzie boutique. She also had scales and tails there, a magician, belly dances and music. At one point during the night we let a ton of balloons go and listend to a song that was written for another child lost to SMA. I couldn't help but think of Kenzie and Kael. So beautiful, Strong and amazing. I broke a bit and shed some tears but all for a good cause. I cant wait to hear how much Kendra earned but I am sure it was alot! Layne was so happy he won the bid for the silent auction for a BYU basket full of cougar stuff. He was in heaven even though we didn't win the WII from the raffle. Overall the night was amazing and I am grateful for the chance to help out even though it was only in a small way. Here are some pictures from our fun!

Testing for Karate.

So Daxton and Stefon tested on Saturday for their next step in karate. They were testing to become orange tigers. They did such a good job. They have to get up in front of a bunch of on lookers and do all the moves they have learned over the last 8 weeks. Being so little it takes lots of courage and confidence which they are also learning about. They did an amazing job and both of them were able to move up. They were so proud of themselves and I am proud of them as well. They are such amazing little boys and they learn so much and grow up so fast!! I am proud to be their mommy and love that they are able to participate in things like this!! Good job boys!

Flash Backs....

Man today and yesterday have been hard for me. I seem to be on this rollercoaster and most days its doable but today and yesterday have been hard. My head is spinning, I wanna crawl out of this hole and find that it was all a bad dream. I want to laugh at myself and say silly girl how could you have dreamed something so horrible but then I look around and see that its still real this is my life!! I had an amazing little boy who the lord thought he needed more than I did. I see these pictures in my head of that horrible morning and how awful I felt trying to dig inside of me and figure out what I had done wrong. What could I have done better. Why didnt I do this or could I have done that. My head spins and spins almost out of control... I see his sweet face, I feel him in my arms and picture whatd hed look like today. I needed to feel him today, I got down his memory box got out his little things he was so small. I held his hand braces in mine, read his poster from the hospital, looked at his little cap and the pictures of him and how to do his exercises to stretch him out and feel better, I looked through his picture book, went back and read his obituary I think Ive read it 3 times today. I read through the book from his funeral and watched his movie of his short little life that we played at the funeral. I cried and cried thank goodness my mom has my kids today. I don't like to break down when they are here. I have to be strong for them. I know that ill get out of this slump but today it seems extra thick of darkness. Why oh why do some days have to be so hard. I know that people say everything happens for a reason I wish I could figure this one out. He was to little we didn't have enough time with him.... I miss him so much. I hope your ok in heaven Kael. Mommy misses you so much and wishes you were here to hold and love. You mean the world to me little buddy. Even though we have fun days and happy times your still always on my mind. I hope I do enough to make you proud and I hope you playing in heaven with all your angel friends. I love you to the moon and back. Mommy

Summer Fun!!

I love summer! We get to play outside and go to lots of different parks and play and swim and have fun. Summer is my favorite I love the warm sunshine and the happiness that surrounds. The last couple weeks we've been going to lots of parks for play dates. Liberty Park, the splash pad in Herriman the rainbow park by my house just lots of fun places. I wanted to post a few pics from the fun weve had so far. I'm glad to have the opportunity to have this fun with my kids and friends and sister!! If I haven't said it already I LOVE SUMMER!!

5 QUESTIONS....

This is so much fun!! I got this idea from another blog that I read and thought it'd be fun to try it out!! There is this really fun blog called http://www.5qs4u.blogspot.com/ this really awesome lady started it and she has you answer 5 questions about yourself then spotlights you on her blog for a day. I am a bit behind on blogging but I was sponsored on 7/9 so you should hop over to her blog and check it out!! Its lots of fun and a great way to get to know people!! I hope you enjoy reading my answers and play along as well!! Hope everyone is having a great day!!

July 4th!!

We had a busy but fun filled 4th of July weekend. On Friday we went over to my friends for a BBQ, and swimming. Saturday the boys went to rocky mountain raceway for the races and fireworks and Sunday we went back to my friends to have more yummy BBQ, more fun swimming and fireworks of our own. Its so fun to watch the kids get bigger and more comfortable with water. They all loved the fireworks even Landon he was bouncing up and down as they made noise and lit up. It was so fun. I am so grateful for my family and friends. They made it possible to have a fun memorable weekend. I love my family with all my heart and am glad that we got to spend quality time together. Here are a few pics from the fun!!

Kaels memory walk!!

On Saturday we had Kaels memory walk. It was amazing and a little emotional. We had such a great support there and the staff is amazing. The walk is for memory of someone you have lost and the proceeds go to this amazing place called the Sharing Place. My kids go there to talk through the loss of their brother and get to meet other kids in the same situation and Layne and I get to go talk to adults in the same situation which helps alot!! Its all free besides donations which that in itself is amazing. They do so many great things there with the kids to help with their emotions and I am forever grateful!! So we went up Saturday morning and did the walk it was just over a mile and the kids did great!! We had such a good time and all 16 of us finished! My 1 friend was a bit confused and put Kaels name on her tag thinking it was supposed to be who we were running for and she took 3rd place so they called Kaels name and we of course were all surprised so Layne went up and accepted the ribbon which now ispart of Kaels wall in our front room. It was special. They then had the director give a speach about the walk and how hes done it for 5 years now but wont be able to continue and so he asked for volunteers for next my amazing hubby gave the guy his email and said hed be happy to do it so that the walk and donations for sharing place could go on. I was so grateful that he did that it meant the world to me. Now we can be doing something in Kaels name and for a great cause for years to come. So next year Layne and I will be in charge and make sure the event goes smoothly get the sponsors etc and run the race. I was so touched that Layne would step up to the plate to do that. He is truly AMAZING!! At the end of the rave they gave the kids balloons of course my sweet boys wanted to send them to Kael. That's when the emotions really hit me... I'm a baby and lost it a little. They are so sweet and want to include Kael in everything possible. I am so happy we decided to do this and so happy that we will be able to help other and keep Kaels memory alive for years to come!! The drive home I felt so peaceful. I could feel Kael with me in the car. It was such an amazing feeling. It had been a while and I knew he knew I needed a little hug from him that day. I love you to the moon Kael. I hope that you can feel our love always and know that we are so proud to have been your parents. I hope you are equally as proud to call us your family and that we do good things to carry on your legacy. I love you so much. Sending much love up to you today and everyday!! Love mommy