Mothers Day....

Mothers Day for me is a bittersweet holiday. For me I am lucky enough to have living children on earth to snuggle, kiss, dance with, sing to and just love on where as some aren't so lucky. For that I am eternally grateful!! Then theres that dark side... the one no one likes to talk about.. they all know its there but aren't sure how to approach it. Missing the one little boy who isn't here, I don't get to snuggle or kiss on, the one I would give ANYTHING.... and I mean ANYTHING to love on, tickle, smell once more and look into his lovingly big brown eyes. Yesterday was a lovely day Layne and the boys did a great job keeping my occupied and my brain busy. The boys made Mothers Day cards at school and presents which they gave to me in the morning. Then Layne gave me a dozen peach roses and each boy gave me a pink rose :) having them walk up to me and give them to me saying "Happy Mothers Day" was so special, I also got a purse and I get to have my hair done tonight!! Super excited!! We watched movies, had lunch and chilled for a while. In the early afternoon we laid the boys down for a nap and I to decided to take a rest. I grabbed my special Kael pillow (my sister made it out of his blanket that he used and put a picture or him on it ) snuggled it up to my chest and cuddled in my blanket and fell asleep for almost 2 hours!! I was hoping to dream of Kael and while that didn't quite happen it was nice to have his pillow right there with me. We woke up and got ready to go to Layne's sides party. We were having a little get together and dinner. When the prayer for the food was said they blessed the people in heaven that had gone before us... I lost it when the prayer was done I had to get out of that room, I went to the bathroom and let loose I cried a cry I haven't for a while it was deep down, sobbing the painful kind of cry that makes your head hurt. I let go for a good 5 minutes before I could contain myself. I picked myself back up pulled it together and did my best to enjoy the rest of the evening. When we got home we laid the boys down Layne and I watched another movie having fun just being together and then I showed him the movie of Kael that the lovely Malory made. Oh how I love that movie. I could watch it 100 times a day! It was so fun to watch it with Layne, see all the pictures, feel his sweet spirit and remember the 4th little boy who should be here. I miss you like crazy Kael! I love you and think of you everyday!! I cant wait for the day we get to be together again. What a great Mothers Day that will be to have all 4 of my boys! Thank you for making me the mother I am today!! I hope I'm living to make you proud!! I hope Mothers Day was good for all of you as well. I hope it was gentle and filled with love, happiness and memories. Here are a few pictures from my day