How do you know.....

How do you know what's the right decision? When life gets so complicated and convulted how do you find the right path. So many decisions and choices some big, some small I wish there was a magic 8 ball with all of the answers. Speaking of hard questions.... How do you decide or know how to choose a church, how to talk to god, build that relationship? I've been trying to decide what's right... Right for me right for my kids what makes sense. I believe there is a god and I do my best to talk to him and build that relationship but I feel like I'm stuck! Shouldn't I feel something back? Shouldn't I know with out a doubt what's right? So many people have so many opinions I try to figure it out but nothing seems clear. It seems the harder I try the more confused I am. I am craving so bad to feel something to know what's out there. What is heaven? Is Kael happy there? What does he do all day? Can he see us? Does he know how much we love and miss him? Am I doing enough to be with him again someday? Its so frustrating to not know... To not have the answer and to not be able to know how to feel. So friends in the blog world do you have any advice? What works for you? What brings you peace? How do you know??

Back to School!!

Summer is over and the kids are back in school! Daxton started 4th grade, Stefon 3rd and Landon Kindergarten. Daxtons teacher seems to be so nice her name is Mrs. Hommes, Stefon was lucky enough to stay with his same teacher as last year since she moved up grades she is amazing and I feel so blessed for Stefon to keep her again this year. Landon's teacher Mrs. Partridge seems extremely nice as well. On the first day of school she invited all the parents in, we got to watch a movie with the kids, explain how school would go and where to meet after and stay for an activity. She did a great job to ensure they all felt comfortable there. We are blessed for the kids to be in such a great school. They were all so excited to start and even 3 weeks later are excited and loving it!! I cant wait to see how much they learn and grow over this next year!

What should have been....

A few weeks ago I was at the park with the kids. We were having a picnic lunch when another family came and sat fairly close to us. I glance over and noticed the I kids were about the same age as ours. The difference being they had 5.... they had 1 where there is a missing hole in my heart. Soon after another mom joined this mom and they started chatting away. I couldn't help but over hear the mom talking about how hard it was that she has these 5 kids. How she's always so overwhelmed and never has enough time in her day. How she is constantly loosing her patience and just wishes she could have a break. Hearing these words stings. I wanted to shout over to her hey it could be worse not all moms get to keep all their children and some moms would give the world to have what you have so please don't complain. Now don't get me wrong I get it that no need to vent sometimes and of course everyone needs a break here and there but sometimes I just wish people could be thankful do what they have. I so wish that people knew exactly how lucky they are to have all their kids and to be raising them. I know life is rough but it could always be worse. I watched these 5 kids play together just imagining what it'd be like if Kael were still here. What chaos it would be but how wonderful that chaos would be and how welcomed it would be.  It made me sit back and really think what's really important and to never forget be thankful for what you have. Dreaming of what that would  be like is all that I have for now but oh what I'd   give to have it be my reality. Our lives would be so different. Always missing one piece, so little yet so fierce a part of my heart that one day I pray I will get to be with again. Until that day always loving and missing you Kael!!

Landon turns 5!!!

On the 12th of this month Landon had his birthday. This kid is smart as a whip and loves to learn and have fun! He is the best brother anyone could ask for and has the biggest, kindest heart! He is so loving and funny! He is our light and he reminds us of what is important in life! For his birthday we got him this really fun dune racer. For his special day he wanted to have Subway for lunch and to go to Liberty Park to play in the water ways. It was such a fun way to spend the afternoon! He decided on a Monsters Inc. party and lots of family and friends came to celebrate him. We are so lucky to have him in our lives. What a sweet, fun kid he is!! Our rainbow baby.. he will forever live up to that as we see life and light in him!

The rest of the family vacation

So the saddest thing happened... Daxton wiped my phone by accident a few nights ago.. some of the pictures weren't backed up yet... some of them being the rest of our vacation as well as Landon's birthday stuff... thankfully I posted a few things online so I have a few pictures left so I am just going to clump the rest of the trip together. We had a great time. We went to several parks, splash pads, this amazing children s museum and the Phoenix aquarium. We ate at some fun places that we don't have in Utah and toured the mall there which is insane. We swam a ton at the hotel pool which the kids loved and spent lots of time exploring the outdoors. It was a really fun trip one that we will hang onto for a long time to come!

Family vacation Days 1 and 2 :)

The first week of August we set out on our summer family vacation. We were headed to Phoenix for the next week because Layne was headed there for more work training but his company was generous enough to let us go along so we could be together and have some fun. Layne really is working for an amazing company these days. So Saturday we headed out for our first stop Vegas!! We made it to St. George and stopped there for dinner then headed on to our hotel in Vegas. We got there early enough to see one of the light shows at the Bellagio, meet the minions, princesses and Bumble Bee. We walked around looking at some of the  hotels for a while and then headed back to our hotel to get some rest. The next morning the hotel served us breakfast and we headed out to finish our trek. When we got in to Phoenix we found our hotel got our things unpacked and got ready for the week. The hotel Laynes work put us up in was amazing. Such a pretty hotel with a gym, pool, hot tub and full on free breakfast and dinner service and free soda, juice and milk but also cocktail hour where everyone old enough could have up to 3 free drinks a night. Seriously they didnt go cheap at all with this hotel. So we headed down to the pool this night and then out to the store to do a little shopping. It was a great way to start the vacation.

Scout Camp!!

Being the den leader in the cub scout group has it perks.. its means that I got to go to scout camp with the boys this year! We went to cub country and did the dinosaur camp and the super hero camp. The boys had so much fun going up all day for 2 days in a row, getting to have sack lunches and of course shooting guns, bow and arrows, the trading post and making things. They learned alot and were so tired by the end of each day. It was really fun that I was able to join them this year!!