Pumpkin Patch

It was so fun on Monday to go to the pumpkin patch with Stefons preschool class. I love being involved and being able to go to their field trips and help with parties. On Monday we went to this cute little patch that has a tipee in the middle. We all went inside for some Halloween stories and some cupcakes and juice. Then we all walked around and saw all the scary things and the pumpkins. Finally at the end each child got to pick a pumpkin to take home. Stefon was so sweet he asked if he could pick 2 one for him and one for baby Kael to paint and put on his grave. I of course said yes and paid for the extra pumpkin. All in all it was a fun field trip and the kids had a blast.

Oregon....

Layne and I got to go to Oregon this past weekend for his works Service Weekend. It was such a nice and fun get away. We flew out Friday morning and came back on Sunday night. They put us up at this resort called Sun Valley it was simply beautiful and amazing our rooms had fireplaces in them. We had lots of fun relaxing, hot tubbing, watching the poker tournament, meeting new friends and on Sat night they had a huge banquet where they raffled off prizes and had a tons of yummy food and then an after party where we danced the night away with an awesome band and yummy drinks!! It was such a nice break after a emotional month we loved getting away. Being up in the mountains always makes me think of Kael. Its so beautiful and amazing up there and just makes me feel closer to him. Layne and I had lots of time to talk and think and remember. It was a great fun relaxing weekend. Enjoy a few pics from our fun!!

Family Pictures.

My friend Lyndee is AMAZING!! She took us on Monday night to do our family pictures as well as Landons pictures for his birthday. We were a bit late getting his bday ones done because Lyndee had surgery on her arm and it took a bit to recover. It was well worth the wait though because these are simply amazing!! A few friends of mine gave me a great idea to make a build a bear for Kael so he could be part of our family pictures I of course thought this was a fantastic idea and the even better thing was that we already had a build a bear for his that we had made before he was even born. We would record their heart beats and stick them in a bear to announce the gender of the baby. So we brought Kaels bear along and made him part of our photos to. Here is a sneak peak of the pictures. I love every single one of them and cant wait to get the CD. Thanks so much Lyndee you are the sweetest and the best!!

A big thanks!!

I just wanted to send a big thanks to all of those who helped us celebrate and cope with Kaels angelverssary below are a few more cards I received during last week. It means the world to us that other people think of our angel and remember him with us! Much love to you all and thanks again.

Kaels 2 year in heaven day...

So yesterday we tried to keep busy and celebrate Kael the best we knew how! My mom took us out to lunch, then we picked up the boys from school and went and got stuff for the grave. We went out to Bountiful to the cemetery and spent about an hour and a half. We got 24 balloons and let them go 1 for each month that Kaels been in heaven. We then came home and took a nap. I was exhausted as I haven't been sleeping to well as of late. We woke up the boys had a teeball game so we went there and then my friends had Layne and I out to dinner at Olive Garden. We ate tons of yummy food and had chocolate cake to celebrate Kaels life. Layne and I then came home got the boys to bed and spent the rest of the night just us, cuddling taking it all in. Oh how I miss that boy so much! I hope he felt our love for him in heaven. What we wouldn't give to have him back again but since we cant in this life I hope the ways that we celebrate him show him how much we love him and how much we care and miss him. Im thankful to all the support we have also. Having supportive friends and family makes a world of difference. Thanks to all of you who have helped out!! I will post some pics from yesterday. A few are some gifts that Layne and I received yesterday. My dear friend Lyndee and her husband Chad gave us a money tree to keep in our home to help remember Kael, My mom gave us roses and a fellow BLM sent us a wonderful card in the mail. It means the world to us that others remember our sweet angel in heaven. Mommy loves you sweet Kael. I hope your safe and warm playing with all our sweet baby friends who have also gone to soon. Many hugs and kisses. Love mommy!!

2 years in heaven....

Dear Kael,

I cant believe its been 2 years. Oh how I love and miss you. Where has the time gone? It cant really have been 2 years right... 2 years since I held you and kissed that sweet face. What I wouldn't give to see it one more time. Hug your body and hold and love on you forever. I will never forget 2 years ago today... I hate today like you couldn't believe. My stomach is sick and all I want to do is run and hide. We had no idea that you had gotten so much sicker and would leave us so soon. Ill never forget that morning. The night before you passed away we all went to the Utah state vs. BYU game. We didn't get home till about 12:30. My phone battery was dead so I put it on the charger. I kissed you goodnight and laid you in your bed for the evening. At 5:00am I woke up to take grandma to the hospital for her therapy treatment. I was so sleepy I grabbed my phone but didn't turn it on. We drove up to the U and when we got there the nurse told me that the police department was trying to get ahold of me. I had no clue what I was about to hear. I turned my phone on right away to call daddy... when he answered the phone he told me you were gone... he woke up to give you your morning feeds and that it was to late.. you were gone, you had passed away peacefully in your sleep sometime between 1 and 6 am. You didn't cry or struggle you were just gone. I couldn't believe what I had heard. He asked if he should send someone to come get me as he thought I wouldn't be able to drive. I told him no way in hell it would take double the time and he'd already been there alone to long. I felt so guilty.. why didn't I check you before I left, why the hell hadn't I turned my phone on how could I leave daddy to find you like that all alone. I guess I had no way to know but still I felt horrible and still do to this day. I should have been there with daddy when he found you. I ran to my car everything seemed black around me but I drove... I drove till I got home. When I got there a woman cop was outside she asked me who I was and when I told her shed asked me if I had heard the news. Of course I had I ran straight past her and inside to see my baby. He was still at home. On my bed cold as cold could be. Layne had dressed him and changed his diaper. I say him and froze I couldn't believe this was true. I grabbed on to Layne and then let loose... I started bawling I couldn't believe it was true. By then Laynes mom and sisters were there as well as my mom. There was still a male cop inside which I guess is normal when someone passes away at home. After Layne and I help each other for about 10 mins I sat on the bed and held you and cried and cried. Your face was so sweet. You looked so peaceful with out those oxygen tubes up your nose and that feeding tube sticking out your clothes. I held you for ever while daddy and I looked up the information for the mortuary. We called the people who are family friends and the sweet man came to the house to pick you up with out any fees. When he came that's when it hit. I couldn't take you outside to be with the man... daddy had to do it. I fell to the floor and crumbled. I wanted to send you with your car seat. Babies cant ride in cars with out them. Duh like it mattered now but that's all I kept saying. Layne assured me he was safe and buckled in the back of the car and that he'd be in good hands. He came back inside. We held each other for what seemed like forever. My inlaws took my other 2 boys who had been at home the whole time, say there baby bother no longer alive and holding him. Layne and I got ready to go down to the mortuary to make the plans.

To this day I still cant believe this is my reality. It just sucks and makes it hard to breath sometimes. I still cant fathom why this is real and how its real and some days how ill go on. Some days are good other days hell. But I'm trying to learn to live and breath again.

I'm sure Kael is up in heaven, safe and warm and no longer in need of those medical things. I hope he is warm and happy. I love him so much! I wish I could see him 1 more time. When the boys get out of school well go to the cemetery and release balloons. I hope he feels our love for him. He was one strong amazing little fighter. From day one he never gave up and he fought as long and as hard as he could. He taught me so much. I only hope to be able to live up to his example.

Happy 2 years in heaven. Mommy loves you sweet boy!!

Fun Run!

So now that Daxton has started Kindergarten I am involved in the PTA. Yesterday they had this great thing called a fun run for the kids. It was meant to teach importance of nutrition and fitness as well as raise money for the school. The kids had their family and friends sponsor them so that they could run and all the proceeds stay right at the elementary. It was great the kids ran around the school for 20 minutes and they got water, apples and wheat bread as a snack when they were done. Each kid also got a gold medal for running. I helped at the water stations and then also helped Daxtons class run. It was so much fun he loves that I help at his school and participate with him. It was also lots of fun because they had the firemen come with their trucks and ambulance, they had a DJ there with the radio on, they had the Blazes monkey mascot there running with the kids and riding his motorcycle and they had a trainer for Real come to warm the kids up and teach them stretches. It was so great Mrs. Haslam Daxtons teacher was all about being interactive with the kids she ran her little heart out and sat on the grass doing all the stretches. She is a great teacher! We had a great day!!