Happy 4th birthday Kael... Whatd id say if you were here.

Dear Kael,

Its your 4th birthday today. My how time has flown by quick! I remember the day you were born like it was yesterday. When we first heard you cry, the few seconds I got to hold you before the whisked you away, meeting some very nice doctors who were going to help you it was such a whirl wind! We were so happy you were here though and wouldn't have traded you for the world! You surprised us and came 6 weeks early. We knew you'd be early but didn't expect it quite that soon but glad you were here non the less. What a crazy whirl wind the last 4 years have brought. Today I want to remember the good times. We were so lucky to get to spend 5 months and 3 weeks and 3 days with you. Those moment we treasure. We have lots of pictures to remember the good times and the things we were able to do while you were here. I cant help but try and picture what you'd look like and be doing today. I'm sure you'd be handsome just like your brothers. You had the big brown eyes and that cute little smile. Would you have grown our of your chubbiness or would you still have those little rolls around your ankles and wrists? I think about the things you might be doing at this age. I'm sure it would  have been different than what most 4 year olds would be doing but we would love you and be proud of you no matter what... Who am I kidding we are proud of you. The things that you brought to our family and taught us are AMAZING. You showed us the real meaning of love, you taught us to live in the moment, how to be more patient, more kind more giving and understanding. You taught us how to fight and never give up! You were such a strong little boy and fought so hard to stay with us as long as you could!  Through you I have met several amazing women and families. Bless each of their hearts for being in my life. They are so caring, and they remember you and can relate with me. I love each of them. I hope you are having the best birthday in heaven with cake and balloons, music, dancing hugs and kisses from our loved ones that are there with you and a big hug from Jesus himself. I hope you catch our balloons tonight and see the night lanterns. We will be sending kisses and hugs with our balloons. Please know how much we love you and how grateful we are that one day we will all be together again! Be close today if you can. I love it when I can feel you near. Thank you for all that you have taught me and for being ours! You are amazing, you are strong, you are our example. We love you!! Happy Birthday Kael!

Easter...

Easter was a good one this year. The kids were spoiled rotten and had such an amazing time. We spent most of the day with family. When the boys woke up they found their baskets and eggs hidden all over the house (silly Easter Bunny) it was so much fun watching them run around to find the eggs.  In the morning we went to Bountiful to be with my family and have lunch, an egg hunt and Easter baskets from Grandma Bott, then we all headed home for a nap.. we slept for 2 and a half hours!! (yikes) For dinner we went to the Rushworth side and the kids had an egg hunt there as well. It was lots of fun to be surrounded by family all day and to remember what Easter is all about. Easter has such a huge meaning in our lives now as it represents the ability for us to be reunited with Kael again some day. I strive every day to live my life in a way that it will be possible. We talked to the boys about the importance of this holiday and that it is more than the candy and eggs and bunny. They smiled as we talked about it and talked about how they miss Kael. I thought about him all day as the kids raced around looking for eggs, when the kids were dressed in their Easter outfits as I saw all of the cousins especially the ones that are his age. I sat back and tried to imagine  what it would be like if he were still here. Its nice to know one day we will have the privilege to have him again what a sweet, sweet moment that will be! I'm sure grateful for my little family and all of the blessings that we have! It was a fabulous day with lots of great memories made.

Busy weekend

Our weekend was such a fun yet busy one!! Friday we had friends over and did Easter activities, my friends husband is a fireman so I took the boys over to check out the station. They got to sit in all of the trucks and the ambulance, get a tour of the firehouse, become honorary members of the fire station and got tons of prizes from the firemen. Friday night we had 2 birthday parties to go to it was lots of fun! Saturday my friend from work was in charge of a Easter egg hunt at sugar house park to raise money for autistic kids so we took the boys up it was such a blast. They had 50,000 eggs for the kids to hunt and had over 3,000 people turn out. Afterwards we took the kids to chuckie cheese for lunch and playing. Once we were done there we to the chocolate cottage and got the kids all Easter eggs and had their names written on them they thought it was sooo cool! We headed home for naps and then a lovely walk around the neighborhood. Grandma R had us bring the boys over to play and to get their Easter baskets she had made for them which they thought was so cool. Then it was time to head home for baths and bedtime to get ready for the Easter bunny. It was such a great weekend! The boys had tons of fun and I loved every minute of seeing them happy!!

Handsome...

Isn't this little boy the most handsome little thing you have ever seen. I may be a little bit biased but I sure think hes AMAZING. Last night I sat and thought about all of the good things not allowing the sad, scary things to enter in my mind. I thought about his sweet smile, his smell, his chubby little legs, his hair and how soft it was. I thought about all of the times that we rocked and sang songs, the books we read, the walks we took, how happy he was when I laid him in the grass. I thought about how much his brothers loved him and the mass amount of love he brought our family and the sweet things he taught us. I smiled as I remembered all of the good. I miss him like crazy but am happy to remember all the good things and to see his cute face. I'm grateful for all of the pictures we took. Of course I wish there were more but I am so happy we got the ones that we did. You just cant help but smile when you see him!

I came across this other blog through another friends blog and wanted to pass along this link http://www.indiegogo.com/Genetic-Mutation these sweet parents have lost 2 children. They would give anything to have a healthy baby. Please go to their link and help if you can!!

Something new..

At the start of this year I wrote a list of goals I wanted to accomplish... I looked back on them last night since I couldn't sleep and was happy to see that I am doing pretty good on them so far. One of my goals was to cook more which I have been working on the other night I made homemade spaghetti sauce none of the PREGO stuff but my own and it turned out really yummy everyone seemed to like it. Ive also joined Pinterest so I can get new ideas and try them. One of  my other goals was to be more crafty so for the blanket drive this year instead of buying blankets I decided to make them on my own. I bought a bunch of fleece material and cut and tied them. Now I know for most this wouldn't be a big deal but for a gal like me whose not super crafty its a good first step. I love how the blankets are turning out and I cant wait to deliver them with the rest of our delivery for Kaels birthday. So I am working on my list!! Ive been working out and eating much better as well and its crazy what a difference it makes. I have lots of room to improve on this as I am a total emotional eater but I am working on it and will continue to do so. Keeping busy is helping to keep me sidetracked from thinking late nights are a little more tricky with this as its easy to sit back and remember but as I am remembering I try to think of all the good things.... the special time we had together and how much joy and love you brought into our lives! Here's to hoping the next 10 days go as smoothly as possible!