Work Christmas Party

So every year my work has a holiday party so that families can come to work with their parents/grandparents etc. I work in a secured building so the kids and Layne can only come on approved open house days. On Thursday it was our holiday party and the kids had lots of fun!! They got to get their faces painted, color pictures, take pictures with frosty, have cookies and cider, karaoke and then come see where my desk it and find treasures there to take home. It was fun to show them off to all my work friends and to see their excitement during all of the festivities. We had a great night it was lots of family fun.Here are a few pictures from our fun!!

Update

So a little more information on Landon. We went in for his 15 month check up 2 weeks ago. Our amazing pediatrician made the recommendation for some blood work and an MRI for his brain and his spine because his lower body like his legs, knees etc. weren't responding really good in her reflex test and he didn't like to put pressure on his legs and hes not walking yet. Not a huge alarm but made her a little bit nervous after all that we have been through with Kael. So that day we went to the hospital to get his blood drawn all of those tests came back normal. She got us the first outpatient MRI which was yesterday. Yesterday afternoon she called me to give me the results. His brain looked good HOORAY... then the except part came in... on his spine at the bottom there is a pocket of either fluid, fat something which is likely causing pressure on his lower body and making it hard for him to use his lower extremities to their fullest. Shes not sure of the extent of what this means.Could mean nothing big could mean something really big lots of unanswered questions right now. She called right up to Primary Children's neurology and spoke with the resident since it was after their normal hours. He recommended we meet with an amazing doctor by the name of Dr. Walker and said she was going to try to get us in on Tuesday. I am waiting for the call today for us to be able to set up the appointment. I know this is all vague but its all I know for now so until we can get in and see what were up against please keep us in your prayers.. if you don't pray please send us positive thoughts!! I appreciate all the love and concern and am trying to stay optimistic all thought its hard after what we've been though. Hope all is well with you all lots of love and kisses!!

FLASHBACKS!!!!

Today I had to take landon to primary children's for an mri. It has been extremely hard on me today. My brain keeps flashing back to two years ago when kael was here and we were doing all the testing to try and find his diagnosis. I keep seeing his sweet face and remember all the pain he endured just so we could keep him a little longer. He was so brave, so strong and fought till the end. We had to wait a while so I wandered the halls. I took the elevator to the 4th floor walked down the hall to where the nicu was. I stopped at the doors and millons of images ran through my head so many hours, tears,smiles milestones and pain spent there. Then I took the elevator to the 3rd floor. Walked down the hall where layne and I met the rainbow kids team where we discussed kaels life and had to determine.e if we would resuscitate him, give him meds etc.... No parent should have to make plans like that for their child.... Lots of stress and tears today. As I sit here waiting for landon to come out of the same mri tube kael came out of may time I can only hope that kaels in there holding landons hand telling him itll be ok and to not be scared. Oh how I love both tgese boys with my whole heart!! Praying that kaels hugging us tight today and that landon will be out soon and all the tests will come back normal!! I love these boys more than the world all 4 of them!! Sorry for any miss spellings and the vent im doing this from my phone as I wait I needed somnehing to distract me and get my thoughts out. Mommy lives you and misses you kael!!! Much love today and always!!!!

Thankful

Today is Thanksgiving and my heart is in many places. I have so many things to be thankful for the list could go on and on. I am ever grateful for my family my sweet husband and my amazing kids. I am thankful for my parents and siblings even though we don't all always see eye to eye. I am ever grateful for the BLM community. I have met so many amazing people here that are so loving and supportive and non-judgmental. I am thankful that I have a great job, a warm house to live in and a car to drive. I'm thankful for music and the peace it can bring sometimes. I am thankful for yummy chocolate and Swedish fish and warm chicken noodle soup. I am thankful for so many things these are just a few. As I go though today I think about all these things and still cant pass that feeling of the missing link. How today would be so different if Kael were here. All I can do it send love to him though heavenly father and tell him to give him a great big kiss for me. Well visit his grave today and send him lots of love. Ill remember him all day and all the memories we have of him. 2 years later I still don't understand but I am trying to give all my faith to the lord and know that he is safe and warm. I am thankful that one day I will see him again and be able to love him and hold him and kiss him for ever and ever and never have to give him up or let him go again. For this I am to thankful. Sad that I don't have him to hold but happy to know that the lord is holding him now for me and showing him all of our love. I hope you all have a happy and safe Thanksgiving. Thank you all for being in my life. I love and appreciate you all.

A special gift

I got a package in the mail a few days ago and was so surprised when I opened it. A sweet lady by the name of Gayle had sent me a charm that had Kaels picture in one side and my other 3 boys in the other side. I was brought to tears it was so beautiful and special to receive. I have a charm bracelet that it matches exactly so I added it to the bracelet and now wear it around proudly. These pictures don't do justice but I wanted everyone to see. You can visit Gayle's blog at simplyamiraclex2.blogspot.com she is such an amazing lady who to has lost a sweet baby and has another sick little boy. She has such a good attitude and I love to read her blog. Thanks Gayle this meant the world to me!! Much love to your our babies and all the other baby lost mamas.

Disney on Ice

Last weekend we took the kids to Disney on Ice. It was so much fun. They had Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Daisy and Goofy. They acted out the lion king, peter pan, Lilo and Stitch and The Little Mermaid. It was so fun watching the kids faces light up as each new thing came out. They had an absolute blast!! Landon especially loved it he was bouncing up and down and reaching for all of the characters. We got lots of treats and let the kids each pick a prize to bring home. It was a very fun family night!!

My sides Thanksgiving.

We had my families Thanksgiving feast last weekend as it is the year for the inlaws but my mom still insisted on having ours to. It was fun to have the family together and the cousins to play. We ate lots of yummy food and the kids did crafts and we played games. It was a good time for all. Here are a few pictures from our fun.