The funeral... good bye for now.

This week in walking with you its about the funeral. Ill never forget the morning we found you passed away at home. I was in such shock... I couldnt believe this was our reality. We held you and cried over you for such a long time. We changed your clothes and then family came over. While your grandmas and aunts were holding you daddy and I looked up funeral homes. I never fathomed having to do something like this for my child. We called the funeral in Bountiful who has done all of our family funerals and they were so gracious to help us out. They were so kind patient and helpful. They told us they would send someone to pick up your body and asked when we would like to come in to make the arrangements. Daddy and I both wanted to go and get it all planned to make sure it was perfect so we went later that day. When the man picked you up to take you away I fell apart! When I had to hand you to him a stanger I was a wreck. I remember telling daddy we should send your car seat.. I wanted you to travel safely. What a ridiculous thing to think but it totally devastated me. I remember Aunt Lynette holding me as I bawled as daddy took you out to put you in the mans car. We made arrantements for your brothers and headed to bouniful to make the plans. When we got there I was dubmfounded. How were we sitting in this room picking out caskets and flowers for our baby. We found the most perfect one with blue linning and teddy bears on the outside. It was beautiful and very boyish you loved your soft teddy bears so it made perfect sense. We then picked out the date and time for your services and wrote up the program. We decided we would bury you in your little tux from your blessing and would come back the next day to dress you. That night we went home so many family members came over, we made lots of calls and made arrangements for your aunts out of state so they could be there to meet you and say good bye all at the same time. I remember sitting on the couch surrounded by family and just staring apologizing for not knowing what to say no words could come out of my mouth that would make any sense. I couldnt eat or sleep everytime I closed my eyes I would see you. I prayed so hard to god to keep you safe, to hug you and kiss you and to make sure you knew how much we loved you. Uncle Zacky bought me a new dress and shoes to wear to your funeral and grandma Bott got Daddy and your brothers suits to wear. Uncle Travis made a video of your short little life and we got lots of your things together to set up tables at the church for your funeral. When it came for the day to dress you daddy did most of it. Aunt Jen and Natalie came but all I could do is put your little socks and shoes on. It broke my heart to see you that way. Im glad I was able to help looking back and daddy was so happy he could do most of it. After we dressed you we spent a few hours with you. Talking about the memories, telling you how much we loved and missed you begged you to keep your brothers safe and help us get through the next day for your funeral. Grandpa Bott donated us a plot in our family plots to bury you in and uncle Robert donated your headstone and helped us pick it all out. We were so thankful for the help and all of the love we recieved. The day of the funeral we were in shock. So many people sent flowers, cards and plants. People came early to say their final good byes.. I was amazed people I hadnt seen in forever. It meant the world to us though. When it came time for the family prayer and to close the casket I was a wreck. I wanted to grab you and run out of the room with you and run away forever. I know it sounds crazy but its true. But I didnt we put in something special from each of us kissed you one last time and went into the chapel to tell the world how special and amazing you were. Lots of beautiful songs were sung, people gave wonderful talks and when it was all done we went to the cemetery to lay you in your final resting place. We had a small graveside service and then told you goodbye for now. I could have stayed forever. I go back and visit often and decorate it. I know your spirit is in heaven but it helps my heart to still be able to do something for you if that makes any sense... Those few days after you passed were some of the hardest but also some of the best for us we grew as a couple, we grew as a family and I grew closer with the lord. I pray everyday that you are happy and safe and that we are living the right way to make you proud. We love you Kael!!!

Dont forget you can link up here http://blog.sufficientgraceministries.org/. Also Prayers this week for Lisa as she has said goodbye to her son a few months ago and now her husband and also prayer requests for my little family as we are pushing foward to new possibilities as a family.