You are my Sunshine.....

I love this song so much it has so many meanings to me. I used to sing this song to Kael everyday in the NICU. He loved music and was always so calm when we would sing to him. Once Kael passed away I didn't sing that song to much for a very long time. Once in a while we would sing it with all of the boys. Lately when Ive been putting Landon down for his nap that's the song he asks me to sing to him. I get a little choked up every time I sing it to him. The cutest thing started happening about a week ago.. Landon started singing the song to Tiara. Oh how it made me smile. I love that we can once again sing that song and have it be happy not sad. It makes me happy that Landon sings it to Tiara and how she smiles at him while he sings it. I also love that it reminds me of those tender moments with Kael. Such simple, precious moments that I will hold in my heart and mind forever. I love that Landon brought those back to me and taught me that it can be happy memories. I am really missing that sweet little boy but am so thankful for the memories we were able to make before he passed on. He sure is a precious gift that we got. I love him to the moon and back!!

2 weeks.

This post is only ya know 2 weeks late but I wanted to write it up anyways so that I can remember. Tiara had her 2 week apt she grew an inch which made her 20.5 inches whichi is 75%, her weight wasnt quite back to birth weight she was 6lbs 12oz which is only 12%, and her head is in the 50%. The pediatrition is amazed at how strong she already is moving her head, puting weight on her feet and also getting half way rolled over... its so crazy how strong she is. We did find out that with her cystic fibrosis that she is pancreatic insufficient which is very common in CF kids so each time she eats we give her enzymes to help her process her food properly and 1 time a day she gets vitamins. Other than that she is a champ. She is eating 2 oz every 3 hours and at night she will go 4 to 5 hours at a time which is amazing for a little one. The boys love her to death and cant get enough of her. The love to help hold her, feed her and snuggle with her. Layne and I are head over heels. She has now meet almost all of her aunts and unlces and many of her cousins and has meet a few more friends along the way also. She loves her swing and her vibrating chair and loves to be wrapped up tight!! She has been to her first flag football game and also to church. She loves to be held up on our shoulders so that she can look around. She is smiling now at 2 weeks and moves her head to find different voices. She enjoyed her first real bath but took it very seriously :).  We sure love this little girl!! Her 1 month check up is on Friday I will try to get that post up much faster :). We are so in love with this little girl and can hardly believe that she is ours. We dont take a single minute for granted and thank the lord for each day that we have. She is sure a blessing to our family!!

Field trip to the library

2 weeks ago I went with Landons class to the library.  It was so fun we took a little tour and then went to story time. It was monster day so they read monster books, sang monster si ngs and made a monster craft. It was super cute watching the kids be so excited, listen and learn. I sure love being a mommy!!!

Newborn Pics.

My awesome friend Amber took these newborn pics of Tiara when she was just 6 days old. I love them so stinking much!! Sweet little moments we wont ever forget. Thanks Amber!! They all turned out awesome!

Hospital Pics.

I love these pictures so much. She is brand new less than 24 hours old. They are so precious and sweet!!! Such an awesome baby!! I love her to the moon and back!!

Tiaras birth story

Man I feel like I am so far behind things have been so super busy! I want to write this down before I forget. Tiara was born on 4/2/13 at 3:06pm. She weighed in at 7 lbs. 1 oz and was 19.5 inches long. The story of her getting here was a bit crazy! I had been in and out of labor for 1 week and a half. my body would start and then stop and then start and then stop. Because I tested positive for strep B my doctor decided that we should induce to make sure that I got the right amount of medicine in me before she got here so on 4/2 at 8 am we went into the hospital. They started me on my IV drip for the strep B. The medicine was not fun at all it made my hand feel like it was on fire and I had to have 2 doses of the crap which I thought for sure I would die lol. When I got to the hospital my contractions were 5 mins apart but not hurting to bad at all. I was dilated to a 4 and 80% thinned out so they started me on a little bit of petocin.  The first bag of fluids was done dripping at about 10am the nurse came in and started the second bag of IV meds and moved the petocin up a bit more. At 12:15 my doctor came in my meds were done dripping and so he broke my water. I had A TON!! It was crazy the amount I had. When he broke my water he noticed that there was some meconuim which for us was good news because that meant that baby would not have meconiumm illiues and that she could poop on her own, the first of many blessings!! At that time I was dilated to a 5 and 90% thinned out he said this wont be long and to call him when I was close. His office is only 3 blocks away from the hospital. They offered me my epidural but I still was not to bad off so I decided to wait a while. At 1:30 the contractions were getting much stronger and closer together so I opted to get my epidural. The guy was very good, he was quick and it was done . I was now dilated to a 6. At 2:30 I felt so much pressure I had Layne call the nurse in to let her know and she checked me I was dilated to a 9 she couldn't believe how fast that had gone. She said let me go to the restroom and Ill be right back she put oxygen on me because my body was freaking out and it was impacting the babies heart rate. I was shivering and chattering my teeth it was pretty intense. She came back in at 2:45 checked me again and said oh my I can see her head you are ready to go let me call your doctor. It took for what seemed like FOREVER for him to get there when really it was only 10 mins lol. He checked me and said yup you are ready to push let me get dressed. He got all ready and at 3:01 said on your next contraction push. It took only 1.5 pushes and my beautiful baby was out seriously the fastest labor and delivery ever for me  He said I was a champ and he wished all labors went that way lol. I was very lucky not to tear or anything. The cord was wrapped around the babies leg but he got it unwrapped pretty easily and then they let Layne cut the cord. They put her up on my chest for just a few minutes and then put her under the warmer for the NICU team to check out. Due to the cystic fibrosis we weren't sure if there would be any impacts right up front. They did her apgar testing and she got a 9 out of 10 so she was clear to stay with us. We were so happy!!! They got her all cleaned up and then measured and weighed her and then handed her back to me. We stayed in the labor and delivery room for about 2.5 hours just Layne and I holding her, feeding her, loving on her before they took us up to my room. Once we got up there Layne went with her to the nursery and gave her, her very first bath. Then they came back and we had some visitors. Layne's sister and hubby came up and brought their mom and the boys and my friend Heather stopped by. Layne's friend and wife came up and brought us sushi which I had been craving so much the last part of my pregnancy it was AMAZING! Later that night my dad and brother Zack came up also. Lots of visitors and friends the next day also. She got to meet her aunt and uncle Calderwood, Kendra and Tracker, Grandma Bott, Grandpa Bott came again and Bre. It was nice to have lots of love and support and so many visitors.I tried to get pictures of them all but some of them slipped by with out it dang it!!  The boys also came back up the next day to see her and love on her again. The hospital photographer came in and did their pictures alson on day 2 and she had her hearing test which she passed with flying colors. The following morning my OB came in and cleared me to go and our pediatrician cleared Tiara to go so we headed out at 10 am. It was so surreal to be bringing home this sweet little baby girl!!

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9 years.....

I can't believe 9 years ago today we said "I do". What an amazing, eventful, crazy time it has been. We have been through so many ups and downs, highs and lows goods and bads and here we are still alive to celebrate and talk about it. I can't imagine taking this ride with anyone else. I am certainly one blessed and very lucky gal. In 9 years we've brought 5 amazing kids into this world, said goodbye to one for now, had a few pets, moved a few times, lived in 2 different states, had different people living with us, made new friends,built stronger relationships with other friends and worked out little tails off. I feel so blessed to have made it this far and cant wait to see what the future will bring. I love having my best friend by my side and helping me through it all. I cant imagine what life would be with out him. These last 9 years we have made so many memories and built such a bond I am forever grateful. Here's to many more years!!! I love you Layne to the moon and back!! Thank you for being you!! xoxoxo

Kaels 5th celebration and blanket drive success!!

Well we celebrated your birthday the best that we know how :). The boys had school and Layne had to work half day so the first half of the day was spent bonding at home with Landon and Tiara. We went and picked up cupcakes and things to decorate the grave and spent lots of time playing trains, puzzles and house as Landy would call it. I sure love having these 2 to snuggle. It made me think back alot to the time we had with Kael. The things we could do with him, the things we couldn't and wish we could have. When everyone got home we loaded up the cars and headed to Primary Children's. We had another successful year totaling in with 217 blankets, 166 stuffed animals,10 burp bibs, 10 little newborn hats and 15 lovies is what we call them (the little blankets with animals attached). It was amazing once again to walk through those doors and give back just a little to the hospital that did so much for our sweet Kael. Once done there we headed to Bountiful to decorate Kaels grave. We took some pictures,said Happy Birthday and then headed on our way to Grandma R's for balloons and cupcakes. We stopped off at Zurchers the party store to get the balloons Landon was very careful in picking the color for each person to send off. Daxton and Stefon of course picked their own as well. We went over to Layne's mom's to send them off so that she could participate since she is having a hard time getting around. We all wrote our messages on them and then sent them to heaven. After that we had yummy cupcakes to end our birthday celebration. Its so hard to believe that another year has gone by. That you would be 5, and to think of all the things you would be doing. I pictured you playing trains side by side with Landon and eating that yummy cupcake. I can only imagine how amazing that would have been. I hope you had an AMAZING birthday in heaven and that you could feel all of our love. I love you to the moon and back sweet boy!!! You are our hero, our example and our reason  keep trying. We love you!!!