Sadness...

UGGH last night was a hard one. Its not real often that I am brought to a waterfall of  tears anymore but when it hits it sure hits hard. Sometimes its hard watching those around us get everything that we have ever hoped for a "complete family" to see them living their "perfect dream life". We dream of our family being one way and one day its all torn away from us. You would think 3 years later it wouldn't be so hard. But alas it is. I find myself wishing we still had Kael that our family was "complete". I know that we have Kael always in our hearts and that he is near watching from heaven what I wouldn't give to have him here in our arms right now at this very moment. I dream of him, hope for him and wish for him. I know it will be a long time until my wishes come true and sometimes its so hard to face that. I pray that he is happy in heaven. That he looks down on us and is proud. We are trying so hard to do the things we need to in order to be with him in heaven. I picture his sweet face playing in heaven, free of worries and pain. I picture him dancing and running, being FREE. Here on earth he would have never had that but we would have done our best to keep him comfortable and at peace. The gaping hole in my heart is a big one. I miss him so much. People don't seem to get that, they expect that its been 3 years and that I should have "moved" on by now. I hate to break the news but you don't just "get over" loosing a child. The pain is still raw at times, not as much as it used to because slowly I'm taping the pieces of my heart back together but it will never be the same... I just wish that others could see and understand that. So here I sit wishing, waiting and hoping one day we will all be "complete" again.