Kaels birthday celebration/ remembering other babies in heaven!!

After Priamary Childrens it was time to head out to the cemetery! We got 36 balloons one for each month that has passed since he was born. This year I wanted to do something special to remember Kael along with his other baby friends in heaven that have gone to soon so I wrote each of their names on 1 of the 36 balloons. I had an amazing friend Amber take pcitures for us so that I could be focused just on the event. When we got to the cemetery some family members had joined us and were ready to celebrate. I gave a little speach and explained all of the babies names on the balloons and why I had written them, we thanked everyone for their love and support and then I said on the count of 3 let the balloons go and tell Kael happy birthday. It was a tender moment I was happy/sad all at the same time. So many BLMS have supported me in so many ways I just wanted to give back in my own small way. I know Kael was in heavan celebrating with each of them so why not send them a birthday balloon to. Kaels birthday was very special and I am glad that it all turned out so well. Thanks again to all of those who helped and support us. It means the world to us!!

Kael I hope you had an AMAZING birthday in heaven. Surrounded by loved ones and lots of fun parties. I hope you felt our love here and that we did enough to please you and make you happy!! I love you to the moon and back sweet boy! I cant believe youd already be 3!! Time passes by so quickly these days and yet sometimes so slow. I cant wait for the day to hold you again!! Much love always sweet boy.. to the moon and back Love mommy!!

Here is a list of the babies names on the balloons, I hope I didnt miss anyone!! Much love to you all as well!!

*McKenzie, Owen, Julius, Cara, Laken, Leila, Lily, Olivia, Mina, Chase, Emma, Madelyn, Carleigh, Jordan, Freya, Jonas, Gage, Landry, Harvey, Micah, Janessa, *Kennedy, Brandon, Riley, Peyton, Ella and Jenna!!

The Blanket Drive!........huge success!!

So Tuesday was the big day.. we gathered all the blankets and headed to Primary Children's the turn out was AMAZING!! We had a total of 382 blankets!! Yes you read that right 382!!! We also got 30 stuffed animals brand new that we were able to take up as well!! I am so grateful and humble by all the support and love we received for this drive! What a great thing to do in honor of Kael!! When we got there we had to take 2 big carts plus some being carried to get them all in! While I was filling out the paper for the donation a lady walked up and asked the volunteer there if thy were giving them away.. she said not right now and the lady looked so defeated. The volunteer then proceeded to talk to the lady, she walked over to me and asked if it would be ok to give a blanket to the lady I of course said YES!! That's why we brought them. We found out from the lady is was a 3 year old girl in need of a blanket. I picked one out and handed it over to the mom. She proceeded to let me know she was from Vegas her daughter had been hit by a car and rushed to PCMC they came with no blankets, coats really anything. Her little girl is in the ICU now having seizures from the brain trauma. I was so glad we were there at the right time. What a blessing to be able to see all of our hard work pay off already! I cried knowing the pain that poor family is now going through I hope that the blanket helps them in some small way. After we took pictures the lady asked Layne to help her get all the blankets downstairs because they were so heavy. He of course said yes and helped take them down. What an amazing thing we were able to do in Kaels honor. I can only hope that many more benefit from this AMAZING CAUSE!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!! We could have never done it with out you!!! Now I need to start on something for next year ;0) Ill keep you all posted!!

Its your 3rd birthday Kael..... missing you so much!!

Dear Kael,

Today marks 3 years since you were born... oh how I miss you!! I remember the night before I went into labor I was so scared because you were just over 6 weeks early, we didn't know what to expect and what we were up against. Your labor went so fast you wanted out and you wanted it now, when you were born you were sure PERFECTION!! You were exactly 6 lbs, 18 inches and born right at 9am. To perfect for this crazy world! You fought so hard, you had every doctor that met you amazed and so confused at the same time. You beat the odds and made yourself strong enough to come home with us on 3 occasions. You mean the world to daddy, your brothers and I. Even Landon who came after you looks at your pictures and seems to know that you are something special! I cant wait for the day he will truly understand who you are and how special you are. The pain stings so much today, my chest is tight.. what I wouldn't give to hold you and sing you your 3rd birthday song! Ill do my best to live on your legacy, to make you proud and to make a difference in the world like you did for us! You taught me so much and you made me so proud. I was so lucky that you had me for your mom! Ill never forget the special times we had with you... blessing you, family pictures with you, every pictures of you that we have, the BYU game the night before you passed away, you were so peaceful that night, you loved being outside and looked like a major stud in your cougar gear!! Thank you for fighting hard enough to give us those priceless memories. I hope your birthday in heaven is a sight to be seen with many other babies gone to soon and the family members that hold you tight. I can only imagine a party with Jesus at the head of the table what a beautiful thing that must be!! I hope you have cake and you enjoy every second, I hope there are bubbles and balloons and laughing, smiling and dancing!! I cant imagine what it would be like for you today but I hope its the party of the year! You deserve it my sweet loving son!! We will be thinking of you all day! Taking TONS of blankets to the hospital that gave you life for as long as you were here (Ill post on that separately later), we'll go visit your grave and decorate it and send you balloons 36 of them one for each month!! We will go to the sharing place which has been AMAZING SUPPORT for your brothers and I even dad and celebrate your life with them!! Ill shed some tears but some are happy ones remembering all the good times we had!! I love you to the moon and back sweet Kael! I hope you know this and can feel our love everyday! If you can stop by for a visit today, id give the world to feel you near! Thanks for watching over us and keeping us safe!! I love you sweet boy!! HAPPY , HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! I hope its wonderful!! Much love always,

Mommy!!

HOLY COW!!

I cant believe Stefon is about to start Kindergarten!! Yesterday was orientation so we and I had a little mommy date!! We had lots of fun! We went to the new school the kids will be going to next year and met the teachers and got a tour of the school. While the principal was talking the teachers took the kids to their new classes, fed them cookies and taught them new songs. Stefon didn't even bat an eye when they told the kids to follow them. He just got in line with the other kids and walked away!! I guess I don't need to worry about him being nervous! When the meeting was over we went to the class to pick up our kids, Stefon and I took a tour of the library then headed on our way. He was so excited he wanted to stay there longer!! He is stoked for school. After wards Stefon wanted to go for hot chocolate so we headed to beans and brew since it is SNOWING in April and got hot chocolate and white chocolate mocha's... yumm-o!! It was a fun little date and was so great to see Stefon so excited!! I cant believe these kids are growing up so fast! I wish they could stay little FOREVER!! I will have 2 kids in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL after summer break I can hardly believe it!! Its so bitter sweet to see them learning and growing!! They sure make me smile and make the hard days not so bad!! I love these kiddos to pieces and am so proud of them with how smart and polite they are getting!! Here are some pics from our little date!!

REALITY.............

Some time reality just comes CRASHING down... this morning is one of those days... I woke up today feeling sad, that nasty pit in my stomach, that huge knot in the back of your throat that's holding back the tears and the screams... the reality that in just 1 more week it will be Kaels birthday.... Oh how I miss that little boy, I laid in bed trying to picture what he would look like now, what would his struggles be, how would our lives be different.. now don't get me wrong I wouldn't have liked to see him suffer and would have given the world to do anything for that little boy but I cant help but just wonder where we'd be today. There's a song that's speaks well to my heart some of the lyrics are "sunny days seem to hurt the most, I wear the pain like a heavy coat, the only thing that gives me hope is I know ill see you again today." Every day I'm trying so hard to live so that will come true, I do my best but is it good enough. Some days are way harder than others and that's when I get fuzzy.. My world spins with the memories, mostly the bad ones on these days, the horrible day we had to give you away, all the pain with the ventilators, surgeries just trying to find an answer... was it worth it or were we being selfish? We were just trying to understand what was wrong with you and how we were going to be able to help... I hope we didn't cause you more pain. I struggle wondering did we do all we could do? Why us? Whats the big plan here? All I know is that you made us better people, you helped us to find out just exactly how strong we were, and what a beautiful gift you gave us when we got you. How blessed we are to be in that situation. Because of you I will fight harder, try harder and do my best every day!! Ive been thinking a lot about getting all of your hospital work and info so that I can do research, look things up on my own and get some answers to my questions that still wander through my head. I think I'm ready for that now and will get the ball rolling. I hope heaven is beautiful and that your there with all the other angel babies, your uncle, grandmas and all those that love you. I hope that you get one heck of a birthday party with bubbles, balloons, cake the whole works!! We will definitely be celebrating you. Thanks for all you taught us and for the time you gave us. We are trying hard baby boy!! Much love,

Mommy!!

March field trip....... Ice Cream Fun

For March's field trip the class took a tour of Arctic Circle. The kids had lots of fun playing and taking the tour and even making their own ice cream cones! They got to choose what kind, make it and even dip it if they wanted to. After the tour Ms. Lorraine ordered then all a bunch of fries, mini-corn dogs, chicken rings and their own drink. They ate and played on the play ground then it was back to class! This field trip was lots of fun the kids really enjoyed it. It was so funny to see their true little personalities come out!! Here are a few pics from their fun day!

JUMP AND BOUNCE

The boys and I went to a friends sons birthday party last week it was tons of fun!! They had lots of blowup toys, slides etc. Landon was so excited now that hes walking around he got up on all the bouncers and slides and jumped in the jumpy things. He thinks hes pretty hot stuff!! Daxton and Stefon had lots of fun to and played for hours!! We had lots of fun and it was a great afternoon spent with friends. Here are a few pics from our fun!!