The Things people say....

This week in walking with you we are talking about the things people say. I'm not going to lie I was offended several times by people and appalled that they could say such things to a grieving mother. The problem was they thought... that they were helping you out, trying to comfort you often times it hurt.. sometimes it still hurts. Ill cant count how many times people said you have 2 other boys be happy about that, or hes in heaven now and no longer in pain, everything happens for a reason or God doesnt give us more than we can handle. At my sons funeral my brother in law said "lets not let this effect us for to long". Like really I should just get over it... I though easy for you to say you have both of your sons alive but I never did I always just swallowed it and then would cry when I was out of the situation. The wife of the brother in law said to me only a week and a half after Kael passed away a story Ill never forget, she was telling me about a friend in her neighborhood whose son had passed away in a car accident he was 19 and she proceeded to tell me how much harder that must be to lose a son she had for 19 years and when he was healthy and just ready to serve a mission in their church. I was blown away how could one persons lost child be "worse" than another. Granted Kael was sick and young but does that make it any easier? I think not... I was blown away I got out of her house as quickly as possible trying not to break down right there barely made it to my car and lost it. I bawled for 10 mins or more and then had to call Layne how dare his sister say something like that. I couldn't talk to either of them for a few weeks. I'm sure she thought she was helping but it made it so much worse. I have tried to forgive these people and remember they were only trying to be supportive but honestly people think about things before you say them. People to this day think that everything is ok. We've since had our rainbow baby and for some they think that takes all the pain away. As much as Landon puts a smile on my face the gap in my heart is still there. No baby can replace that no baby can heal that over it helps for sure don't get me wrong but it doesn't take away the pain. I still  miss Kael. I think of him everyday. I have his pictures on my phone, on my walls at home at my desk at work he will never be left out or go away. Its hard for those who have never lost a child to understand but all I can do it pray that they are gracious enough to allow me to grieve and that they are supportive. Some people I think have forgotten, most are scared to mention his name now. I know others think of him often and are very supportive for those people I am so thankful. I have a few good friends who are always there to listen and to let me vent, some family members are still great while others think that I should be over it by now, and I know my little family Layne and the boys will never forget, will always live with that missing piece and we will always remember Kael and do good in his name. We will never leave him out and we will always talk about him. If I had any advice try to talk to those who are supportive, try to keep a distance to those that hurt but most of all when you are ready forgive them if you can. I never told those who hurt me that they had done so and I had lots of resentment I still have some and am working on forgiving and being the better person. I just know I am so grateful for those that have stood by me. If you don't know what to say give them a hug, tell them you don't understand but you are there to listen, say your sorry, and never say you understand if you really don't.. its hard to understand if you haven't been there its even hard to understand if you have because everyone grieves differently! Don't forget to mention their child's name as a BLM my biggest fear is that Kael will be forgotten so please let them know that you do remember that their sweet child was real and that they did exist.  Don't forget if you'd like to link up you can do so here http://blog.sufficientgraceministries.org/category/walking-with-you/