2 weeks....

How is it possible in 2 weeks you would be turning 4... yes that's right 4 years old. At times it seems to be going so quickly and other times not so much I cant believe its been that long. Looking back on the last 4 years so much has happened so much has changed. You brought so much love into our lives and taught us so much. When you left you took a part of my heart with you. Most days are good days but there are still those days that are so hard. Today is one of them. I get sad when I do things with or for your brothers I never got to do with you. Sometimes when I drop them off at school, or volunteer in their classes I get all choked up knowing I will never get to do that with you. When I'm helping Landon go to the potty or play a game or learn a new song even when he talks it breaks my heart knowing you didn't get to do those things. Don't get me wrong I love that they are all learning and growing and healthy as can be but knowing one is missing and that your missing out on all of these things its a hard pill to swallow sometimes. Every day I see your sweet face we have pictures all over the house, your smile melts my heart and seeing the ones with your older brothers makes me smile. They loved you so much and care so much about you still. They talk about you they miss you they ask lots of questions. You are often on their minds. Even Landon knows who you are. He knows your name, he points at your pictures all the time and says "baby Kael" and he asks to look at your picture book at least once a week. I hope you know we love you I hope you know we miss you and that we are so happy you are in our lives. You taught us so much and changed our lives so much! Sometimes its still a bit hard to wrap my brain around the fact this is really our lives, I took your picture down  few nights ago and held it wishing it was you I was holding. I went over each little detail of you. Your beautiful eyes, sweet hands and feet and your chubby little legs. I wish I could kiss them one more time and rub them down with lotion. One day we will be able to do all of those things. It seems so far away but I know that day will be AMAZING. Oh how I miss you please stay near by for the next few weeks, I need you I hope to feel you close and hope that you'll be in my dreams. I love you sweet boy and miss you like crazy!!