FLASHBACKS!!!!

Today I had to take landon to primary children's for an mri. It has been extremely hard on me today. My brain keeps flashing back to two years ago when kael was here and we were doing all the testing to try and find his diagnosis. I keep seeing his sweet face and remember all the pain he endured just so we could keep him a little longer. He was so brave, so strong and fought till the end. We had to wait a while so I wandered the halls. I took the elevator to the 4th floor walked down the hall to where the nicu was. I stopped at the doors and millons of images ran through my head so many hours, tears,smiles milestones and pain spent there. Then I took the elevator to the 3rd floor. Walked down the hall where layne and I met the rainbow kids team where we discussed kaels life and had to determine.e if we would resuscitate him, give him meds etc.... No parent should have to make plans like that for their child.... Lots of stress and tears today. As I sit here waiting for landon to come out of the same mri tube kael came out of may time I can only hope that kaels in there holding landons hand telling him itll be ok and to not be scared. Oh how I love both tgese boys with my whole heart!! Praying that kaels hugging us tight today and that landon will be out soon and all the tests will come back normal!! I love these boys more than the world all 4 of them!! Sorry for any miss spellings and the vent im doing this from my phone as I wait I needed somnehing to distract me and get my thoughts out. Mommy lives you and misses you kael!!! Much love today and always!!!!