How do you know.....

How do you know what's the right decision? When life gets so complicated and convulted how do you find the right path. So many decisions and choices some big, some small I wish there was a magic 8 ball with all of the answers. Speaking of hard questions.... How do you decide or know how to choose a church, how to talk to god, build that relationship? I've been trying to decide what's right... Right for me right for my kids what makes sense. I believe there is a god and I do my best to talk to him and build that relationship but I feel like I'm stuck! Shouldn't I feel something back? Shouldn't I know with out a doubt what's right? So many people have so many opinions I try to figure it out but nothing seems clear. It seems the harder I try the more confused I am. I am craving so bad to feel something to know what's out there. What is heaven? Is Kael happy there? What does he do all day? Can he see us? Does he know how much we love and miss him? Am I doing enough to be with him again someday? Its so frustrating to not know... To not have the answer and to not be able to know how to feel. So friends in the blog world do you have any advice? What works for you? What brings you peace? How do you know??

Back to School!!

Summer is over and the kids are back in school! Daxton started 4th grade, Stefon 3rd and Landon Kindergarten. Daxtons teacher seems to be so nice her name is Mrs. Hommes, Stefon was lucky enough to stay with his same teacher as last year since she moved up grades she is amazing and I feel so blessed for Stefon to keep her again this year. Landon's teacher Mrs. Partridge seems extremely nice as well. On the first day of school she invited all the parents in, we got to watch a movie with the kids, explain how school would go and where to meet after and stay for an activity. She did a great job to ensure they all felt comfortable there. We are blessed for the kids to be in such a great school. They were all so excited to start and even 3 weeks later are excited and loving it!! I cant wait to see how much they learn and grow over this next year!

What should have been....

A few weeks ago I was at the park with the kids. We were having a picnic lunch when another family came and sat fairly close to us. I glance over and noticed the I kids were about the same age as ours. The difference being they had 5.... they had 1 where there is a missing hole in my heart. Soon after another mom joined this mom and they started chatting away. I couldn't help but over hear the mom talking about how hard it was that she has these 5 kids. How she's always so overwhelmed and never has enough time in her day. How she is constantly loosing her patience and just wishes she could have a break. Hearing these words stings. I wanted to shout over to her hey it could be worse not all moms get to keep all their children and some moms would give the world to have what you have so please don't complain. Now don't get me wrong I get it that no need to vent sometimes and of course everyone needs a break here and there but sometimes I just wish people could be thankful do what they have. I so wish that people knew exactly how lucky they are to have all their kids and to be raising them. I know life is rough but it could always be worse. I watched these 5 kids play together just imagining what it'd be like if Kael were still here. What chaos it would be but how wonderful that chaos would be and how welcomed it would be.  It made me sit back and really think what's really important and to never forget be thankful for what you have. Dreaming of what that would  be like is all that I have for now but oh what I'd   give to have it be my reality. Our lives would be so different. Always missing one piece, so little yet so fierce a part of my heart that one day I pray I will get to be with again. Until that day always loving and missing you Kael!!