5 years today Missing him.....

I am somewhat in disbelief this morning that today marks 5 years since Kael passed away. It seems so surreal it has been that long. Sometimes time gets away from me and sometimes it seems like it was just yesterday. This week has been a rough one. I'm not sure what it is but it stings alot this year. I think the saying is true that time does not heal all wounds we just get better at coping with our feelings because there is certainly still a huge gap in my heart that was ripped out 5 years ago. I  love the song by Garth Brooks "The Dance" some of the words say "and now, I'm glad I didn't know the way it all would end the way it all would go our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain but id of had to miss the dance" This is so true all though the pain is there and the hurt is ever evident I wouldn't have traded him for anything. This little boy taught me so much and still does to this day! I am so grateful for the chance that I had to raise him on this earth for the time that I got 5 months, 3 weeks and 1 day. Those days I will never forget and will cherish always. He taught me to be strong, to never give up and to live my life to the fullest! His handsome smile, the sweet noises he would make he couldn't make much but when he did it meant the world to me, the snuggles he gave, the times he was able to move his arms or legs each little thing was hard work for him but he did it and it was amazing! I am so thankful for this little man and am thankful for the chance to be his mommy. Such a special sweet angel to come to our family and bless our lives in the way that he did. 5 year gone is much to long but I will continue to do my best on earth to make it back to him someday! I hope you are flying high in heaven today, free of pain, free of trials and living it up. Thank you for all that you taught me. I love you to the moon and back sweet boy. I hope you are near by today. Catch our kisses, balloons and our hugs. With all my love mommy!!