cystic fibrosis...

I am sad to say little miss tiara is having her first impatient stay at primary children's. She is growing the rsv virus (rhinovirus) and some kind of flue virus. Because she has cystic fibrosis they are being extra careful and putting her on 2 iv ant ibiotics tomorrow she is getting a picc line so she doesn't have to be poked a million times. Shes having a very tough time breathing so she's on some oxygen and is quite miserable. I really hate seeing her this way. Her normal super haopy self is not so much present she's breaking my heart. Its days like today that made it apparent cystic fibrosis is a real thing and nut something to mess around with. If you have a spare minute will you pray for m y sweet baby? She could use all the love and prayers she can get. I love this sweet baby heres to hoping age will get better quick and be able to go home soon! !

Six months old

So this is a little past due but better late than never! 6 months old.. half a year already with this beauty. I feel so blessed to call her ours. She gets funner by the minute with her new little personality traits and the things that she is learning. Tiara got to try lots of new foods this month mangoes, carrots, potatoes and gravy, green beans. sweet potatoes and a little taste of pancakes with syrup. She LOVES food so far I haven't given her anything that she hasn't liked. I am making all of her baby food still which I am loving alot more than I thought I would. Tiara is saying mama all the time now and if I don't respond fast enough she will yell it louder. When on the floor for tummy time she is scooting mostly in circles which is funny especially when she gets mad because she cant get to where she wants to go. Still rolling all over the place but not quite crawling yet. This month she has become obsessed with her tongue. She sticks it out all of the time and thinks shes quite funny for doing so. she is sitting on her own better and better each day and can go from laying on her back to sitting up which is super fun to watch. I transitioned her into her big girl crib this month which has been a big thing for me. It wasn't a thing at all for her.  She is loving her crib space and sprawls out her whole body when sleeping. She loves to look at and listen to her mobile.  We went in for her 6 month apt on her actual 6 month due date and got all of her shots. She weighed in at 14 lbs 5 oz which is 25% and 26.1 inches which is 70% her head is still in the 60% she is super long still and pretty skinny. She is finally into size 2 diapers and is still wearing 3-6 month clothes and finally finally her size 1 shoes are fitting which I am having lots of fun with!! This little lady lights up our lives. She is such a joy to have around we all enjoy her so, so much! Everywhere we go people are commenting on how pretty she is and how cute it is as she is jabbering away she already LOVES to talk! I cant believe we are already half way to one. Seems like time is zooming by! I am so thankful to have this little joy in our lives! Here's to many more minutes, days, months years with this sweet little thing.

Celebrating his life

We set aside the day to celebrate Kaels life and to remember him. The oldest two boys had school so we sent them since it was short day and got all ready while they were at school. Landon, Tiara and I made a special cake. Then we gathered the things to take to the cemetery. Landon said he wanted to make Kael a LEGO tower so we did just that. He made it as tall as he possibly could so that Kael could see it from heaven so sweet. We spent the day talking about memories we had, how Kael has touched our lives and remembering all the great times. We picked up the kids from school then headed out to the cemetery. We stayed there for a while and talked to Kael, the kids wanted to stay for a while so that's just what we did. Once done there we headed to the store to pick up some balloons to send to heaven. The kids each picked what color they wanted to send and to write on. We headed over to Layne's moms to meet some friends and a few family members so that we could launch the balloons off to heaven. Everyone took time writing Kael messages on there balloons he is so loved and so very much missed. We headed outside to let the balloons go and then headed back in to have the cake we had  made. Once we were done there we headed home to watch the BYU game. It is such a bittersweet game because they played Utah State. The same game we had taken Kael to see the night before he passed away. It was up in Logan just as it was that night we took Kael. We had so  many precious memories made there that night that I am so thankful to have. I am forever grateful that we had the chance to take him to that one football game. Memories that will last a life time. The game got over and the kiddos were tired so we laid them down for bed and then we spent the rest of the night just talking about Kael, where we've been how far we've come and the many things we've learned. I hope he felt our love that day and always. We will always live to honor you baby boy! Thank you for choosing us and letting us be your family. Thank you for your determination, your love and your fight. We love you so much little man to the moon and back! It was a special day celebrating a special little boy!

5 years today Missing him.....

I am somewhat in disbelief this morning that today marks 5 years since Kael passed away. It seems so surreal it has been that long. Sometimes time gets away from me and sometimes it seems like it was just yesterday. This week has been a rough one. I'm not sure what it is but it stings alot this year. I think the saying is true that time does not heal all wounds we just get better at coping with our feelings because there is certainly still a huge gap in my heart that was ripped out 5 years ago. I  love the song by Garth Brooks "The Dance" some of the words say "and now, I'm glad I didn't know the way it all would end the way it all would go our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain but id of had to miss the dance" This is so true all though the pain is there and the hurt is ever evident I wouldn't have traded him for anything. This little boy taught me so much and still does to this day! I am so grateful for the chance that I had to raise him on this earth for the time that I got 5 months, 3 weeks and 1 day. Those days I will never forget and will cherish always. He taught me to be strong, to never give up and to live my life to the fullest! His handsome smile, the sweet noises he would make he couldn't make much but when he did it meant the world to me, the snuggles he gave, the times he was able to move his arms or legs each little thing was hard work for him but he did it and it was amazing! I am so thankful for this little man and am thankful for the chance to be his mommy. Such a special sweet angel to come to our family and bless our lives in the way that he did. 5 year gone is much to long but I will continue to do my best on earth to make it back to him someday! I hope you are flying high in heaven today, free of pain, free of trials and living it up. Thank you for all that you taught me. I love you to the moon and back sweet boy. I hope you are near by today. Catch our kisses, balloons and our hugs. With all my love mommy!!

Tiara's 6 month pics

Tomorrow Tiara will be 6 months old... half a year with this amazing beautiful little girl. We did her 6 month pics last week when we did Landon's for his birthday. I love every one of them I think they turned out so cute and really show the personality she is getting. I sure love this little lady!

Landys 4 year pics.

Here are Landon's 4 year pics. I love them so much. He is such a sweet kid and has an amazing personality. I think it was captured with these photos. I sure love that boy!! I am one lucky mama!