Children...

It always stops me in my tracks to hear my kids talk about Kael in great detail. They mention him often, we have his pictures all over and we keep him a part of all family events but when the boys go out of their way to ask questions, talk about their memories and express their feelings it is very bittersweet for me. The sweet part is I know that they know him, think of him, remember him and love him.... the bitter part is I also know that they are hurting, miss him and wish he were here just the same that I do. Daxton got down Kaels book just before bed time last night. He looked through all of the pictures and asked questions. He didnt remember Kaels casket and was very thorough with his questions... then he asked me when Kael is going to come back alive... how I wish I knew and had a anwser for this question. Its hard for me to even try and grasp I cant even imagine how it must be hard for their little brains to wrap around. Once Stefon and Landon heard Dax and I talking they wanted in. So we re-read his book and they both got to ask their questions. Its very interesting to me to see how much they want to know and understand. Now that Landon is older he also wants to know all about it. He wants to know why Kael passed away how come his body didnt work and when he gets to meet his big brother. I love hearing Daxton and Stefon tell Landon about Kael it really is a sweet thing. To hear their memories and talk about how special he is. Its a little bit tough to explain to Landon why he cant meet Kael on earth and how he passed away. Im sure as he gets old it will be a bit easier but it stings right now just a little bit. The good news in all of this is that I know Kael wont be forgotten in our little family. We will live his legacy forever and Landon and baby girl will know all about their big brother, how special he is and the huge impact he made on our lives. With todays events it saddens me to know that now 26 other families will know this heart break, a child, a sibling, a mom a dad it will hurt so badly and they will have to learn to walk this grief walk. I pray for thier families there are no words, nothing that can be said or done to make their situation any easier. I pray those children did not have to suffer long and that the horror that they witnessed was short lived. I cant imagine how awful it was for them. I will pray for their families for weeks to come as this journey I can only imagine will be rough. Remember hold your kids tighter, tell the ones that you love just how much you love them and never take one second for granted.