Holidays.....

I feel like I go through this every year but this year it seems a little bit more present. I have a mix of emotions of gratitude and yet sadness still creeps in. Being pregnant this year for sure is not helping my crazy out of line emotions. I hate even typing it because I dont want people to think I am ungrateful because quite the opposite I am very but when it all sinks in the hurting is just a little more this time of year. It hit me hard for the first time yesterday as I was helping out in Stefons class for their Thanksgiving Party. As I walked out to head home when it was over I broke down into tears. I so wish Kael were here to celebrate the holidays with us. I miss his sweet little face, the noises he made, taking care of him and his sweet smell that was like no other. His funny redish hair that would go all over the place and how much his brothers loved and took care of him. We were making Thankful plates for craft time the other day and the boys all picked what they were going to write. It made my heart melt that the first thing Daxton and Stefon said was for their brother Kael. I love that they remember him and that they keep him in their hearts. I know he watches over them and helps to keep them safe. I will have to post pictures of the plates they turned out so cute their thankful list was amazing and really made me smile. Im trying to focus all of my energy on the good not let the sad and hurt seep in but once in a while it breaks through the surface and reminds me of how present it still is. I wouldnt trade the world for the time we had Kael here I am just selfish and wish it were for a little bit longer. I pray that the holidays are gentle on all of my family and friends it can certainly be a hard time! Happy Thanksgiving!!