Cruise Day 7 and 8

Day 7 of the cruise we sailed into Victoria BC Canada. It was so green and the buildings were amazing!! We got our passports stamped and headed out on the town for 6 hours. We did some sight seeing and went to a few locals restaurants and pubs to check them out. The people there were so friendly and kind. They chatted with us and gave us some good pointers. We were there at night and they light the whole town hall building with lights it was so pretty!! When we got back on we sailed back towards Washington this would be our last night on the boat. When we ported the next morning we got had out last final yummy breakfast and waited for our numbers to be called to disembark the ship. We got down to customs got our things checked and headed to the curb for our ride back to the airport. This time we had a stretch black limo. It was so nice inside and we had a smooth ride back to the airport. It was weird when we got there the airport was doing a terrorist attack drill so there were police, swat and firemen there, security guards and pretend injured people. Luckily we got a heads up so we weren't so freaked out!! It was crazy to see whatd it have looked like. We got all checked in and headed to get some lunch while we waited. We made it back to Salt Lake just in time to head out to pick up the boys and head to Wyoming for the weekend. That'll be my next post. It was a beautiful, amazing trip. I'm so thankful to my dad for taking us and giving us that experience. What a time of a lifetime! Ill never forget our week. It was a blast!!

Cruise day 5 and 6

So back to the cruise posts :). Day 5 we went to Skagway Alaska while we were there our excursion took us into Yukon Canada. Both places were so pretty. While up in Yukon we went to a dog sled camp where they train for the 15 days dog sled races. It was amazing to see all that they had up there and the vigorous training they go through. Since its summer up there, there isn't any snow but the hook the dog sled team up to a normal sled and give you a 30 min ride around their camp and the in the mountains. It was so much fun!! We were pulled by a team of 10 dogs. We did lots of sight seeing and shopping up there as well and my dad even won 100.00 shopping spree in one of the stores. It was pretty cool. He bought all of the grand kids tee shirts that say "someone who loves me very much went all of the way to Alaska to get me these shirts." So stinking cute!! I wrote Kaels name on a wall on the highway which separates Canada and Alaska. I wanted to make sure to get his initials in both places we visited. He along with the other boys occupied lots of time in my little head while we were away. The sites were beautiful!! They scenery amazing it was a great stop!! Day 6 we were at sea again all day this means it was the second formal night. So much fun again. Since we were getting close to the end of the cruise they did a huge dinner celebration and all of the waiters did a dessert extravaganza they had what was called Alaskan Bake which was dessert on fire it was so yummy!! They walked all around the restaurant singing a song, holding the dessert and thanking everyone for coming. During the day we laid by the pool, watched a ice carver carve a bear out of 1 chunk of ice, hung in the hot tubs and sauna, ate way to much food ;0) took a long needed nap, sang karaoke that night, had a huge dessert buffet with 2 chocolate fountains, all the fruit you can imagine, cakes, pastries you name it, it was there. We also watched 2 movies while on the boat Rabbit Hole which I loved and connected with so well and then one about Abraham Lincoln's assignation and trial for the people I really enjoyed it as well. Sea day was fun and relaxing. It was crazy how much you could do. Also a few days prior I forgot while at sea getting to a port we went though this amazing glacier pass. The glaciers were huge!! And because of the temps they were turning blue. So pretty and amazing what nature can do. So with out further ado here are some pics from these days.

There not all sad memories...

So I'm taking a short break with cruise pictures to write this post today... its seems as though almost every time I write here about Kael its sad, missing memories and I don't want it to be that way... We have lots of great memories to so today I want to share one... 3 years ago today was the first time we were able to bring Kael home.. we were so ready, so excited for that day. Layne and I had "slept in" the night before to make sure we knew everything as far as meds, feedings, tube changings etc. It was hard but so, so worth it. That morning in Utah was the Day of 47 parade. Utah celebrates our state Holiday every 24th of July to remember how we got here and to thank the pioneers for all that they did. We took the boys that morning and went with a lot of family members to see the parade. I was so excited telling everyone that we would be bringing Kael home later that day. They all asked if I was scared to take him home on oxygen, having to give him meds every few hours and feeding him through the g-tube.. I didn't care. Id do whatever it took. Of course I was a bit scared but I was out of my mind excited that we would finally all be a family under one roof. Layne got off work and we got Kael discharged about 5 pm. It felt so unreal, walking though those doors, taking out little man home. We were both beyond excited. We got home and the boys were ecstatic!! Their baby brother was finally home. They were so gentle, so loving just constantly wanting to be at his side. Kael was a trooper, he fought hard through it all. He let the boys rock him in his chair, sing him songs show him their toys. It was amazing. Everything was so happy, calm and the very best it could be!! I cherish those times we got to have you home little fighter! It was amazing bonding time for all of us and I wouldn't have traded it for the world. Was it hard with tubes, and oxygen, and changing dressings, and meds... yes it was but it was all worth it and Id do it over a million times if I could have. Thank you for fighting so hard little man!! It was a struggle to live and breath but you did it. You fought hard and you made it possible to spend well needed and wanted time with your family. I love you so much and am so proud of you!! Hoping and praying that you are being well loved on and taken care of in heaven. You have lots of family up there. I hope they give you tons of hugs and kisses and that they play with your balloons when we send them up. Always loving and missing you sweet boy!!! Hugs and kisses mama!!

Cruise Day 3 and 4

On day 3 we had our first port we stopped in Juneau Alaska. It is so pretty there!! We had an excursion to go on row boats around a beautiful island and then stop to have a tour of the forest up there and a yummy salmon, clam chowder lunch. It was gorgeous!! We save bear caves, the state flower, eagles and HUGE trees that had been there for years. The row boats were fun and worked out our arms. It was a blast. When we were done up the mountains we headed back to town to do some souvenir shopping. There were tons of little stores with lots of fun stuff!! We grabbed a bite to eat at the stand outside of the ship because they had caribou hot dogs... now believe me I was skeptical at first but turns out they were so yummy!!!! We got back on the boat and headed out. Day 4 our port was in Ketchikan Alaska, super pretty there to. Now I expected to FREEZE there since this is Alaska but we ended up with the nicest weather it was 75-80 everyday, everyone kept telling us it was the best weather they'd had all year. It was sunny and warm I got fried!! It was worth it though. Our excursion at this stop was to go to a place called Salmon Lake/ Caribou crossing. We took a bus there and had a delicious dinner, they cooked salmon on the grill, had tons of salads, corn bread, yummy blueberry cake and we got to roast marshmallow's. There was the most amazing waterfall there it was beautiful Layne got a picture of it and caught a rainbow in the picture ( it made my day) there was also fishing for gold and a gold/sliver mine that we got to see. It was such a fun day and excursion. Of course we had to tourist shop there to and we found lots of fun things to bring back to the boys.

The cruise.. Day 1 and 2.

So here we go.... this cruise was seriously FUN ( I took almost 200 pictures) !! We flew to Washington early Friday morning. When we got to the airport there was a man waiting at the baggage claim for us holding a sign with my dads name David Bott. He took our luggage for us and headed us outside. He led us to non other than a LIMO.. yes that's right my dad had reserved us a limo to be taken to the cruise ship dock.. it was an amazing 25 min drive :). We got there checked in and waited to get on board. When we got on board it was amazing the ship was INCREDIBLE. 11 decks full of fun things to do. Outdoor pool, indoor pool, basketball court, running track, gym, casino, 5 restaurants, a mini shopping mall, a movie theatre, a big production theatre, bars, lounges, hot tubs (there was 6), a sauna, huge lounging areas it was amazing. We went up to deck 10 where they were serving buffet lunch and sat and ate while we waited for our bags to be delivered to our rooms. Once we were done we headed to our rooms, my dad had gotten us balcony rooms so we wouldn't have to be cramped on the top deck always looking for a spot to view over the ocean. The rooms were seriously awesome!! We had the emergency drill prior to leaving dock and then headed to deck 10 for the sailing away party. It was fun, fun, fun!! We spent most of the 1st day finding where all of the stuff on the ship was and then headed to dinner. The restaurant we ate at every night was so NICE! We had the same waiter, bus boy and drink guy every night by the 2nd night they knew all of our names!! We had a awesome table right next to a window which was great for a nice view every night!! We had dinner which every night was a 5 course meal and we were never disappointed! The food was so good!! And then when dinner was over we headed to the big theatre where they had entertainment every night! We met the cruise director, and watched the shows with singers, dancers, aerialists and much more. It was a great 1st night. The second day we were at sea all day. We laid out by the pool, sat in the hot tubs, took a nap, shopped a little, watched a magic show, ate tons of food (this occurred every day), and today was the first "formal" night. We all dressed up fancy and got our pictures taken. Afterwards we went to the casino for a bit and then to the lounge for karaoke night. It was tons of fun!!

Reminders that sting...

Well I'm back!!!! The cruise was awesome and camping was fun too!! More on that a little later as it will take me a few days to post. So onto the meaning of my post today... While on the cruise Layne got me a new wallet my old one was old, ugly and breaking so he figured it was time :). While I was clearing it out I came across a paper that's been in there for a long while now... I opened it up and realized what it was.. it was the paper we had filled out while working with the Rainbow Kids team up at Primary Children's with Kael. The Rainbow kids team is a team you work with when the length of your child is uncertain. You make plans for your child no parent should have to make.. you decide what meds you ll allow the doctors to use, if they should resuscitate should your child stop breathing, what preventative care you want to use, if you want a pulse order or not etc, etc, etc. I looked over what we had written down, did we make the best choices, did we try to hard to keep him here, did we not try hard enough.. why in the heck did we even have to make these choices? It was not a fun thing to find and remember... why in the world should any parent have to make these choices? Some days it just doesnt seem fair. Obviously life's not fair but some days its harder to swallow then others... Some days the missing is harder than other days today the missing is more.. wishing, dreaming trying to picture what it would be like with him here. Happy that hes not suffering any more and not having to deal with all of his pain but being a little selfish today wishing that I didn't have to go through all of mine. I know the boys are missing him to. They have been talking about him for the past few days.. asking about his sickness, talking about the things they did with him, talking about how cute he was and how they love him. I so wish I could also just take their pain away... take Layne's pain away and shield it all on my own... id rather it be me than them. Anyway this post it a little jumbled, all over the place and hard to follow I'm sure but I needed to clear my head.. the next few posts will be happy ones I promise... Pictures and all about the cruise. What a time we had.

ATTENTION.....

Hi all thought I would drop a quick line before I head out tomorrow for my 7 day cruise and 3 day mini family vacation when we get back.. I'm sure excited for a little break and a time for Layne and I to be just us and breath.. I am a little anxious of course as it will be our first long vacation with out any kids but I'm sure they'll be in good hands with grandmas and aunts :0) their sure excited!! Before I leave I wanted to make sure all my Utah friends remember that the 2nd annual MRW Live, Laugh, Breath event will be on July 22nd in Farmington Utah to check out her mamas blog its http://www.kendraandryanwebster.blogspot.com/ the events blog is at http://www.livingformrw.blogspot.com/. The event was amazing last year and proves to be super exciting again!! Its going to be a concert in the park and a sure fun family event. Ill be there with my family, I hope that you'll all be there as well. Little Ms. McKenzie is an amazing little girl who like Kael fought hard for her life, was strong, amazing and powerful. Her mom and I met through blog land and have become great friends. Ms McKenzie passed away from SMARD and now her mom lives daily to spread the word, raise awareness and raises money to go toward the SMARD research funds so that one day we can find a cure for this horrible disease!! No one should have to bury their own baby.. many of you here know this pain. So once again if you are in Utah you should be there!! Their will be an amazing band playing, a bounce house, treat ands lots of entertainment. Bring your picnic dinner and make it a fun family Friday night!! Below is a picture of McKenzie and Kael... I imagine them playing, dancing, laughing and chasing their balloons in heaven together... watching out for us down below.. being our guides in our hardest, darkest time.. Oh how I love both of their sweet faces!! If your not in Utah and would like to donate Kendra has a pay pal link on the event blog so that would be awesome as well!! So folks Ill be absent for the next 10 days or so but I look forward to catching up on all of your great blogs when I get back. Much love to you all. I hope you have an AMAZING week!!

Our 4th....

Fourth of July was busy and fun!! Friends, family, fun... the ugly side.. missing, sadness and wondering. Holidays are always that way bitter-sweet. Happy for the many things I have and sad for that missing piece... the hole in my heart that wont go away.. the missing, wishing wondering and wanting. I do my best to stay busy, try to keep my mind on the right track and be in the moment and celebrate what we have!!! We had a family day. Lots of yummy food, fun and laughing. We went to visit Kael and wish him a happy 4th as well. We decorated his grave and just before we started lighting off fireworks we let a few balloons go, we wrote him a little note and Stefon drew him a happy face and we kissed them and sent them to heaven. We had family and friends over for BBQ, drinks and fireworks it was a lovely night!! We built memories to last a life time. The kids were so amazed by the fireworks, they ooh'd and awe'd at their beauty. Daxton had a little mishap where a popper flew in his eye... we luckily got it out right away but it scared the crap out of me and him... after we got it out we took him back out side and to ensure he wouldn't be scared for the future years Layne had him throw a few more poppers and let him help light off the grand finale big 2 fireworks.. he sure thought that was fun!! I'm so proud of him for jumping back out there and not being scared!! We had a good time I am so happy that we were able to spend it together, remembering the real reason for the 4th and building a strong foundation for the boys. I hope you all had an amazing 4th as well. Here are a few pics from our fun!!